Swimming jokes 🏊🤿 in 2025

What stroke do sheep enjoy doing?
– The baaaackstroke!

I went swimming in the ocean, but when I left, the ocean did not say goodbye. It just waved.

Swimmers try to stay away from dark chocolate because, according to studies, it lowers the chances of a stroke.

Three things I want to do before I die:
1) Swim next to a Great White Shark

English v french cat swim race
An English cat called one-two-three challenged a French cat called une-deux-trois to see who could swim across the English Channel fastest.
Which one do you think won?
One-two-three won as the une-deux-trois cat sank.

I asked my researcher friend, what would happen if I try to swim in containment pool of a nuclear reactor. He said, “Um, you would die pretty quickly…”
“…from gunshot wounds.”

With all my high level degrees and PHD’s, I stumbled upon these questions……… 1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 2. Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C?
3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V?r>
5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

7. The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims”.

8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

9. If you replace “W” with “T” in “What, Where and When”, you get the answer to each of them.

10. If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

I had to file for bankruptcy because my diving school business went under.

What do you call a small pole that can swim?
– A tadpole

What did the ocean say to the beach?
– Nothing. It just waved.

My swim instructor told me to do pool-ups regularly.

Sometimes swimming is hard work and sometimes it is easy. It deep-ends.

Patrick was having a vacation in Australia
and couldn’t seem to make it with any of the girls….So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.
Mate, it’s obvious,’ says the lifeguard, you’re wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They’re years outta style.
Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos – About two sizes
too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside ’em.
I’m tellin’ ya mate…you’ll have all the babes ya want!’
The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, looking sick!
So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him,
‘What’s wrong now?’
‘JEEZUS CHRIST!’ said the lifeguard, ‘Maaaaate. The potato goes in front!’

What did the fish say after swimming into a cement wall?
– Damn.

Security Guard : “I’m sorry ma’am.But due to covid regulations, swimming in the hotel pool is prohibited”
Woman : ” You could have warned me before I removed the clothes”
Security guard :” Well, there is no prohibition about that”.

Did hear about the math teacher who took off all her clothes and went swimming in a lake?
– She came out with an algae-bra.

Where do the X-men go to swim?
– The dead-pool.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge
Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer.
– How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly? – he asks
– 99.97% – the engineer replies confidently
The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around:
– Guess I’m swimming then…