Swimming jokes 🏊🤿 in 2025

My friend told me never to go swimming in The Dead Sea because that’s where zombies go swimming.

People who don’t like swimming puns have a very dry sense of humor.

A blonde is in a wheat field attempting to row a small boat.
### A blonde is in a wheat field attempting to row a small boat.
A blonde is in a wheat field attempting to row a small boat.
Another two blondes drive past and see her struggling.
The driver says “look at that idiot! She gives smart blondes like us a bad name!” >
The other blonde says “I know right! If only I could swim I’d go out there and kick her ass!”

A blonde is in a swimming competition.
She comes in dead last in the 100m breast stroke. After she climbs out of the pool, she walks over to the referee.

“I don’t want to sound like a whiner,” she says, “but I think the other swimmers were using their arms.”

A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!!
Everyone was curious and asked her: “why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?”
The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: “Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daughter-in-law always asks my son : – “If your mom and I fall into water, whom will you save first?”
And because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, I am learning to swim!”
A few days later husband and wife were quarrelling again and the daughter-in-law unreasonably asked: ” now tell me! If your mom and I fall into water, whom will you save first?”
Husband replied:
“I don’t have to get into the water, my mom knows to swim, she will save you.”
Wife refused to relent: “No, you have to jump into the water, and have to save one of us”. Whom will you save ?
Husband replied: “Then you will surely die…. because I don’t know to swim …. and my mom will definitely save me first.”

What do you call the Kardashian family taking a swim in the ocean?
– pollution

Once, when I was a lifeguard years ago,
– someone was swimming and suddenly started yelling, help, shark! Help, shark! I just had to laugh. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help them.

The vegetarian never became a competitive swimmer
– because he didn’t like the idea of swim meats.

Swimmers only use Tide laundry pods.

I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda.
– Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.

What should you do if an elephant comes in your window?
Learn to swim.

What’s the first thing a fish thinks of when it swims into a concrete wall?
– Dam

An anti-vaxxer and an engineer are crossing a bridge over a crocodile-infested river
The anti-vaxxer asks “What are the odds of us making it across the bridge safely?”
The engineer replies “After a careful structural analysis, I calculate a 99.7% chance of crossing this bridge safely.”
The anti-vaxxer then says “Forget it, I’ll swim.”

Revenge of the penguins
– There is this large group of penguins living their peaceful, penguin lives.

One day, a ship crashes and sinks nearby. A polar bear swims to the ice from the sinking ship and quickly falls asleep, obviously exhausted from his ordeal.

The penguins, having never seen a polar bear, think nothing of it and go about their daily routines.

When the polar bear wakes up, he is hungry and starts eating penguins. This, as you would expect, causes concern amongst the colony.

After a few days of this carnage, the penguins have a meeting. Their leader says, “We need to cut a big hole in the ice where there is no water beneath it.” For penguins, this was a difficult task, but they trusted in their leader. It took a while, but they cut the large hole.

“Now, we need to gather a bunch of fish and put it around the hole.” The penguins were not happy to be catching fish for them not to eat, but they completed the task.

“What was the purpose of this?” asked one penguin. “He will eat the fish, then eat all of us!”

The leader says, “When the bear is eating the fish, he will be bent way over, next to the edge of the void we created. We will simply walk up behind him and kick him right in the ice hole!”

*Sorry for the bad pun, but my kids enjoyed this when I told them.

I had to give up scuba diving as a hobby after I hit rock bottom.

Two cats are having a swimming race
One is called ‘one two three’. The other ‘un deux trois’. Which cat won?
‘one two three’ won because ‘un deux trois’ cat sank.

Why don’t vegetarians swim in competitions?
– Because they don’t like meets.

Swimmers keep their cash in the river bank.