Swimming jokes 🏊🤿 in 2025

A swim coach and a dentist would make for an excellent pair
– because they both use drills.

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks
– It cost me an arm and a leg!

A stranded man
– Young man’s fishing boat is blown off course and he ends up stranded on a small island. He gets along OK but he’s very lonely. Then, one day, A yacht sinks off of his island. A young woman, the only survivor, swims ashore wearing a wetsuit. He greets her and she is surprised to find somebody else on the island. He tells her that he’s been there for several years and he’s happy to see her. She says “several years I bet it’s been a while since you’ve had some good food.” He allows that this is true he’s been surviving on fish and coconuts. She unzips one of the pockets on her wetsuit and takes out some MREs. Young man says, “I thought you said good food? Well, they’ll be a change from fish and coconut anyway.” “Well how about a drink then” she says. She opens another pouch on her wetsuit and takes out a bottle of whiskey. Since all the man’s head is coconut milk and distilled water this makes him very happy. He takes a slug out of the bottle and it’s delicious. Then the young lady asks, “Since you’ve been here so long it’s probably been a while since you’ve played around?” And she slowly begins to unzip the large zipper in the front of the wetsuit. The young man, in a very surprised voice says, “You’ve got golf clubs in there?”

How do you persuade elephants to go swimming?
– Remind them that they already have their trunks on.

“The car won’t start,” said a wife to her husband.
“I think there’s water in the carburetor.”
“How do you know?” said the husband scornfully. “You don’t even know what the carburetor is.”
“I’m telling you,” repeated the wife, “I ‘m sure there’s water in the carburetor.”
“We’ll see,” mocked the husband. “Let me check it out. Where’s the car?”
“In the swimming pool.”

There came a time in my life when I realized I had to pursue scuba diving. Not because scuba diving was in my blood, but because my grades were all below C level.

How do you persuade elephants to go swimming?
– Remind them that they already have their trunks on.

Why can elephants swim whenever they want?
– They always have their trunks!

The swimmers pooled their resources to go on a vacation together.

You’ve been swimming through my mind all night.

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when
a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?”
The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.”
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side. He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!”
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!

The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!” The Monkey looks down and says

“FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”

What kind of dog likes to swim?
– Scuba Dooby doo!

What does Poseidon get when he swims too far at once?
– Ocean splints!

Swimming Coach: “Hey! Why are you doing only the backstroke?”
Swimmer: “Because I just ate, sir. I don’t want to swim on a full stomach.”

A diving trip with some new friends made me realize how shallow my life was.

I had 3 French cats. The three are named un, and deux who could swim,
– but, my trois cat sank.

Where do zombies like to go swimming?
– The Dead Sea