Swimming jokes 🏊🤿 in 2025

Chicken only swim in a cluck-wise direction.

A lobster trapper
– In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking Up the wharf carrying two at-least-three-pound live lobsters, one in each hand.

It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Federal Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says: “Well me Laddie I got you this time – with two live lobsters three weeks after the season Closed!”

The Newfie says, “No – My Son you are wrong! These are two trained lobsters that I caught two weeks before the season ended.”

The Fisheries Officer says, ” Trained like how?”

“Well my son, each day I takes these two from my house down to the wharf and puts them in the water for a swim. While they swim I sits on the wharf and has me a smoke, or two. After about 15 minutes I whistles and up comes me two lobsters, and I takes them home!”

“Likely story”, the Fisheries Officer says! “Lets take them on down the wharf and see if it’s true.”

So, the Newfie goes ahead of the Fisheries Officer to the end of the wharf where, under supervision, he gently lowers both lobsters into the water.

The Newfie sits on a wharf piling and lights up a smoke, then another! After about 15 minutes the Fisheries Officer says to the Newfie, “How about whistling?”

The Newfie says ” What For?”

The Fisheries Officer says, ” To call in the Lobsters”

The Newfie says, ” What Lobsters?”

There are 3 boys, named Stupid, Nothing, and Nobody. The boys go down to the river, and Nobody falls in the water, he cant swim, so Nothing tells Stupid to call for help. Stupid calls 911 and says…
– “Hello, I’m Stupid, I’m calling for Nothing, Nobody fell in the water.”

A shark can swim faster than I can…
– But I can definitely run faster than a shark.
So really, in a triathlon, it would come down to who is the better cyclist

Three men entered a swimming race for people with disabilities. One of the three men had no arms, one had no legs, and the third was just a head with no body.
The three men got onto the starting blocks. The whistle blew, and they all jumped into the water. The armless man and the legless man started to swim to the other end of the pool, but the head with no body sank to the bottom.
It was a very close race, but the armless man won. But when he and his legless competitor looked behind them, they saw bubbles coming from the starting end.

They swam back to the starting end to rescue the head. As soon as the head had caught his breath, he said, “Thank goodness you saved me! All my life I’ve learned to swim using my ears, then the moment I’m finally on the starting block of a race, some idiot puts a bathing cap on me!”

Swimming Prohibited
– A beautiful woman walked into an orchard and found a lovely pool in it. She decided to go skinny-dipping. She looked around, didn’t see anyone, and undressed. Just as she was about to dive in, the orchard owner appeared from behind the bush where he was hiding all along and told her that swimming was prohibited.

“You could have told me that before I undressed!” she scolded him. He replied, “Swimming is prohibited, undressing isn’t.”

I had to quit my job as a scuba diving instructor
– because I failed to perform under pressure.

Did anyone else’s parents teach them to swim by throwing them in the lake? I think the swimming was the easy part.
– Getting out of that burlap sack was tricky, though.

What stroke do sheep enjoy doing?
– The baaaackstroke!

I went swimming in the ocean, but when I left, the ocean did not say goodbye. It just waved.

Swimmers try to stay away from dark chocolate because, according to studies, it lowers the chances of a stroke.

Three things I want to do before I die:
1) Swim next to a Great White Shark

English v french cat swim race
An English cat called one-two-three challenged a French cat called une-deux-trois to see who could swim across the English Channel fastest.
Which one do you think won?
One-two-three won as the une-deux-trois cat sank.

I asked my researcher friend, what would happen if I try to swim in containment pool of a nuclear reactor. He said, “Um, you would die pretty quickly…”
“…from gunshot wounds.”

With all my high level degrees and PHD’s, I stumbled upon these questions……… 1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 2. Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C?
3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V?r>
5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

7. The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims”.

8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

9. If you replace “W” with “T” in “What, Where and When”, you get the answer to each of them.

10. If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

I had to file for bankruptcy because my diving school business went under.

What do you call a small pole that can swim?
– A tadpole

What did the ocean say to the beach?
– Nothing. It just waved.