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Stupid jokes in 2025

I got fired from my job at the bank today.
– An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What do sprinters eat before a race?
-Nothing, they fast.

Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine?
-It was about a weak back!

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
-But it’s only mild.

What did Blackbird say when he turned eighty?
-“Aye, matey.”

What do you call birds who stick together?
-Vel-crows

When is your door not actually a door?
-When it’s actually ajar.

How do you feel when there’s no coffee?
-Depresso.

What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick?
-Put it on my bill!

I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict.
-So I’m going home for the hollandaise.

What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?
-A polar bear!

Who invented the round table?
-Sir Cumference.

I just went to an emotional wedding.
– Even the cake was in tiers

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
-Because it’s pointless!

How does your feline shop?
-By reading a catalogue.

Today I gave my dead batteries away.
-They were free of charge.

What’s green and has wheels?
-Grass. I lied about the wheels.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me?
-“Stay out of those places!”

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