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Stupid jokes in 2025

I just went to an emotional wedding.
– Even the cake was in tiers

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
-Because it’s pointless!

How does your feline shop?
-By reading a catalogue.

Today I gave my dead batteries away.
-They were free of charge.

What’s green and has wheels?
-Grass. I lied about the wheels.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me?
-“Stay out of those places!”

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
-Roberto!

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?
-They each got six months.

What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung?
-The guardians of the galaxy.

When’s the best time to go to the dentist?
-Tooth-hurtie!

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
-He was outstanding in his field.

Sunny-side up, scrambled, or an omelet?
– It doesn’t matter. They’re all eggcellent.

What do you call it when one cow spies on another?
-A steak out!

What’s green, fuzzy, and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree?
– A pool table.

What do you give a sick bird?
-Tweetment.

Where did the computer go dancing?
-The disc-o!

I like to spend every day as if it’s my last.
-Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.

Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes?
-Probably not, they haven’t had a gig yet.

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