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Stupid jokes in 2024

What do you call birds who stick together?
-Vel-crows

When is your door not actually a door?
-When it’s actually ajar.

How do you feel when there’s no coffee?
-Depresso.

What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick?
-Put it on my bill!

I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict.
-So I’m going home for the hollandaise.

What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?
-A polar bear!

Who invented the round table?
-Sir Cumference.

I just went to an emotional wedding.
– Even the cake was in tiers

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
-Because it’s pointless!

How does your feline shop?
-By reading a catalogue.

Today I gave my dead batteries away.
-They were free of charge.

What’s green and has wheels?
-Grass. I lied about the wheels.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me?
-“Stay out of those places!”

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
-Roberto!

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?
-They each got six months.

What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung?
-The guardians of the galaxy.

When’s the best time to go to the dentist?
-Tooth-hurtie!

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
-He was outstanding in his field.

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