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Statistics jokes 📊 in 2025

Don’t be a statistic
– Be an outlier.

A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.
– For support, rather than illumination.

TIL: 5/7 People make up statistics on the spot.
– There is a 50% chance this data lacks validity though.

I heard a statistic that there are more men named David in charge of companies than there are women.
– Well obviously. How many women do you know named David?

Statisticians give low paid workers an expected life of 68.7 years
– That’s mean

Statistics say that 2 out of 10 people don’t understand how percentages work.
– Unlike us, the other 90%.

I heard the latest statistic that 1 in 3 people cheat on their significant others
that means either my wife or my girlfriend is cheating on me.

Hmm…

Statistics say that 95% of the population is dumb
– I’m glad to be in the 10% that isn’t.

A statistician, a mathematician, and a biologist are standing outside a house.
They watch two people walk in. A couple hours later, they watch three people walk out.

The statistician considers the problem for a moment, then thinks to himself: “Oh, we must have miscounted.”

The biologist, naturally, goes through a similar moment of introspection before deciding, “Ah, they must have reproduced!”

Meanwhile, the mathematician arrived at the solution almost immediately: “If one person goes back into the house, it will be completely empty!”

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