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Statistics jokes 📊 in 2025

Which politician is the biggest supporter of statistical sciences?
– Putin. He really loves the Poisson distribution

Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman…
… what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.

I looked up car crash statistics online
– The results were very impacting

Statistically speaking…
6/7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

In class, my statistics teacher said, “The lottery is a tax on fools who can’t do math.”
I shrugged and said, “Hell, anybody can win the lottery.”

My statistics teacher smirked, folded his arms and asked, “Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?”

I said, “Yep. 100%. A person always wins.”

Govt. Statistics show that 35% of all school kids fall victim to online bullying and this can only mean 1 thing
– 65% of my emails aren’t going out

Frightening Statistic
This is probably one of the most worrisome statistics to emerge in recent years.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That’s scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

Statistically, older people are the most common carriers of AIDS…
– Hearing Aids, Walking Aids, Seeing Aids…

Statistically speaking, active people are less likely to be demonically possessed than sedentary people.
– This is one of the benefits of exorcising regularly

Statistics are like a mini skirt
– They promise a lot but show nothing

Statistics show that most Canadians are nosey.
– They do, however, say “zed”.

Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child molester…
– Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin’ hot ten year olds.

A statistician gets on a plane.
– A Statistician gets on a plane. Guy next to him says “I’m scared of flying.” The statistician says “I used to be. I used to be worried about terrorists.” The guy asks “How’d you stop being scared?” The statistician says “I bought a bomb on the plane.” Panicked, the guy yells “What!?”

Statistician goes “Calm down, you see, I’m not gonna blow myself up, and what are the odds there are two bombs on one plane?”

Here’s an interesting statistic about herd mentality:
– It affects 10 in 10 people.

I’m the worst student in my statistics class
– I got a 58% on my last test and cheered.

Why did Han Solo get an ‘F’ in Statistics class?
– Because he kept telling the teacher, “Never tell me the odds!”

A statistician walks up to a girl in the bar
Guy: You’re the most average girl out here.

Girl: Hey, you’re mean!

Guy: No, you are.

I got a paper cut from my Statistics homework.
– What are the odds?

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