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Statistics jokes 📊 in 2025

According to statistics one in three people live next to a paedophile
– Thankfully I just live next to some really hot 11 year olds

I regret having called my statistics professor an average person.
– I really didn’t mean it.

Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic.
– Well, 46.8%.

Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year
– Today’s going to be great!

According to statistics, a man is ran over every 5 minutes in a city.
– I wonder how is he still alive.

Statistics show that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating…..
– I just need to figure out if it’s my wife or girlfriend

I’m not always mean, sometimes I’m median. Really depends on my mode.
– Statistically my range of jokes are never appreciated.

Statistics humour
The median and the mode walked into a bar. The bartender asks, “Where’s your other friend”. The median says, “We don’t like him anymore. He’s mean.”

Statistics say that the typical man has sex 92 times a year…
– I feel that December will be amazing

Statistically, 1 out of 10 friends is gay.
– I hope its Steve, he’s really cute

My Dad told me that if anyone ever pulled a gun on me I should start reeling off statistics
– Apparently there’s safety in numbers

I just read a statistic on the most common way a person walks when they have been drinking.
– It’s staggering.

Statistics and mini skirts..
…they hide more than what they reveal.

Three statisticians go hunting
They spot a bird, and take turns trying to shoot it.

The first statistician shoots 10 feet above the bird

The second statistician shoots 10 feet below the bird

The third statistician shouts “We got it!”

My grandpa always told me that statistics are like skirts
– They show some stuff that you are interested in but not the actual thing

“It was recently proven that 80% of people will believe any statistic they read online.”
-Abraham Lincoln

Three statisticians are hunting when they see a rabbit.
– The first one shoots and misses him on the left.

The second shoots and misses him on the right.

The third one shouts, “We’ve hit it!”

I asked my German friend to draw me a circular statistical diagram.
“Venn?” he asked.

“As soon as you can.”

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