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Soccer Jokes ⚽ in 2025

One of my friends who plays soccer almost had to play on some ground with mounds of dirt.
-They had to level the playing field.

Why did the soccer ball say ow?
-Because the man kicked him.

What is soccer?
– It has been described as a game with 22 players, two linesmen, and 20,000 referees.

What do you call a Greek philosopher who’s skilled on the pitch?
-Soccerates.

Which soccer player has the biggest cleats?
-The one with the biggest feet.

Why does the soccer ball curse so much?
– Because he gets a kick out of it.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
-Les.
Les who?
Les go and play soccer!

How do birds cheer for their soccer teams?
-They egg them on.

What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
-A soccer coach.

What’s the difference between the England soccer team and a tea-bag?
-The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

What kind of soccer team cries when it loses?
-A bawl (ball) club.

What happens to soccer players who go blind?
– They become referees.

Two flies are playing soccer on a plate.
-One says to the other, “You’d better pick up your game, Louie. We’re playing in the cup tomorrow.”

What position do ghosts play in soccer?
-Ghoulie.

What part of a soccer pitch smells nicest?
-The “scenter” spot.

Why did the soccer player hold his boot to his ear?
– Because he enjoyed sole music.

Why did the chicken get ejected from the soccer game?
-For persistent fowl play.

Why can’t you play soccer with pigs?
-They hog the ball.

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