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Soccer Jokes ⚽ in 2025

Knock, knock?
Who’s there?
-August.
August Who?
A gusta go back to soccer practice!

Disney just announced a new show for D+ about a time-traveling soccer mom
-It’s called The Vandalorian

Heard someone say they had to play soccer with 2nd graders.
-They should really invest in a ball…

Why is a bad soccer team like an old bra?
-It has no cups and very little support.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
-Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda buy a new soccer ball?

Playing Soccer is addictve and I wanna stop,
-but I can’t seem to kick the habit.

What runs around a soccer field but never moves?
– A fence.

Why did the defensive soccer player cross the road?
-To get to the other slide.

When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on.
-They just need to bring on their subs.

When is a soccer player like a judge?
-When he sits on the bench.

What is soccer?
– It has been described as a game with 22 players, two linesmen, and 20,000 referees.

What do you call a Greek philosopher who’s skilled on the pitch?
-Soccerates.

Which soccer player has the biggest cleats?
-The one with the biggest feet.

Why does the soccer ball curse so much?
– Because he gets a kick out of it.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
-Les.
Les who?
Les go and play soccer!

How do birds cheer for their soccer teams?
-They egg them on.

What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
-A soccer coach.

What’s the difference between the England soccer team and a tea-bag?
-The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

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