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Snake jokes 🐍 in 2024

I asked my snake: Would you like a keto burger?
– My anaconda: No!!!!!!!!!

What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
– Windscreen vipers.

How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
– In cold blood.

A drum set and a snake falls off a cliff.
– The drummer and pet shop owner are very sad now.

My friend told me he bought a 4 foot snake
– I told him that’s a weird way to describe a lizard.

Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
– Because it makes them viperactive.

What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
– A feather boa.

How can you rescue a snake that looks dead?
– With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation.

Why did Woody have to wear sneakers?
– There was a snake in his boot.

What Snakes are best at dancing?
– Rattlesnakes, they like a Rhumba.

Why can’t you trust snakes?
– They speak with forked tongues.

What is another word for a python?
– A mega-bite.

Why is weighing snakes so easy?
– Because they come with their own scales.

What does a cool snake say?
– In the hiss house!

How does a snake shoot something?
– With a boa and arrow.

What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
– Addercadabra and abradacobra.

A jellyfish, a snake, and a snail walk into a bar.
– The jellyfish says, “This is impossible.”

What do you call it when a man’s pet snake gets sick?
– A reptile dysfunction

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