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Sleep jokes 💤🛌 in 2025

What do you do when you’re not sure if you like the new mattress you just bought?
– You sleep on it.

When is the perfect time for the cattle to go to sleep?
– Pasture bedtime.

A good-natured conspiracy theorist wakes up and realizes that he’s died in his sleep and gone to heaven…God appears and says “welcome my son, as a reward for your virtuous life, I can answer one question for you about any topic you’d like with absolute certainty…”
The man thinks for a second and asks God “who actually killed JFK?”

God’s eyes roll back in to his head for a minute while he scours the divine historical record. After a moment, he returns to normal and says “Lee Harvey Oswald.”

The man replies “Wow! This goes way deeper than I thought!”

***

Told this in another thread, figured I’d share it here.

Why is sleeping so easy?
– Because you can do it with your eyes shut!

What happens when you don’t know whether you have insomnia or amnesia?
– You lose sleep trying to remember which one you have.

What do you call a person who snores a lot?
– A sound sleeper.

What is the hardest thing about sleeping with a blind woman?
– Matching her husband’s voice.

What do you call a tired herbivore?
– A Zzzzebra.

What happened to the woman after she fell asleep with her head under the pillow?
– The fairies took all her teeth out!

Which time of the year does a bed like the most?
– Spring break.

Do you know at what time tennis players go to sleep?
– At ten-nish.

What do you call it when you sleep next to a close relative?
– Nap-kin.

Three guys were traveling for a ski trip to the mountains and had to stop in a small town to rent a room for the night.
The small mountain inn only had one room left, and it only had a single queen size bed. Being a drafty old inn, the men decided to sleep together in the same bed to conserve space and warmth.
The next morning the guy who slept on the left side of the bed said, “Oh my god, you guys, I had the greatest dream ever, I was getting the most incredible handjob from a beautiful woman!”

The guy who slept on the right side of the bed couldn’t believe what he was hearing, and said, “That’s crazy, I had a dream that I was also getting the best handjob of my life from a beautiful woman!”

The guy who had slept in the middle excitedly pumped both of his fists up and down and said, “I had a dream that I was skiing already!”

What do you call it when you dream about a waterbody filled with orange soda?
– A Fanta-sea.

Why should you splurge on an expensive mattress for your bed?
– So that you can have your dream vacation.

Why can’t a police officer sleep?
– Because when he is in the bed, he is under cover.

What do you do when you’re tired of hearing someone’s boring herb jokes?
– You tell them that it’s thyme to stop.

How does a lawyer sleep?
– He lies on one side, and then he lies on the other side!

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