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Sleep jokes 💤🛌 in 2025

While she was sleeping, I moved her thongs to the side…
… so in can fit my socks in the same drawer.

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What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common?
– You have to be asleep before they can slide down the chimney

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What do you call someone who climbs into your bed and asks very specific questions?
– An undercover cop.

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Why did the little girl take her bicycle to bed with her?
– Because she didn’t want to sleepwalk.

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Scientists have shown that an uncontrollable urge to start singing the Tokens hit single “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away.
– A whim away a whim away…

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What do you call a sleepy truck?
– Tired.

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What would you call a skeleton that’s very tired?
– A Grim Sleeper.

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Do you know what kind of dreams hotels have?
– Suite dreams.

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Why should professional rock-climbers take a course in mattress making?
– So that they have something to fall back on.

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How will you prove that you are not a light sleeper?
– Go sleep in the dark.

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Where do fish sleep?
– In the riverbed

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Why did the pharmacist tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
– Because he didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills!

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What do you call a horse who has insomnia and keeps you awake?
– A nightmare.

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Which dinosaur makes the most noise while he is sleeping?
– A Tyrannosnorus.

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Fred goes to a doctor.
He says, “Doc, I want to be castrated. ”
Doc says, “Look, I don’t know what kind of cult you’re into or what your motives are, but I’m not going to do that sort of operation. ”
Fred: “Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I’m a littlee mbarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here. Will you do it? ”
Doc says, “Well, OK, I guess I could make this one exception. I don’t understand it, but OK. ”
He puts Fred to sleep, does the trick, and is waiting at the bedside when Fred wakes up.
“Well, Doc, how’d it go? ” Fred asks.
“It went fine, just fine. It’s really not too difficult of an operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple task, and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went ahead and did that, too. I think, it’s really better for a man to be circumcised, and I hope you don’t mind my… ”

“CIRCUMCISED! ” yells Fred. “THAT’S the word!!! “

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What do you call a conference with tired delegates?
– A snooze fest.

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What would you do if a dinosaur fell asleep on your bed?
– You go sleep somewhere else!

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What is Aaron Hernandez’s favorite bit of a bedsheet?
– The tight end.

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