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Sleep jokes 💤🛌 in 2025

Sleeping Baby
– A worried new mother went to the psychiatrist. “Doctor,” she said, “Since I had the baby I can’t sleep at night. When I’m in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won’t hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?”

“Easy,” said the doctor. “Just take the carpet off the floor.”

What is a sleepy dragon’s favorite steak?
– A flaming yawn.

A married couple is lying in bed one night….
– The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book. The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, she gets up and starts stripping in front of him.

The husband is confused and asks, “Why are you taking off your clothes”?

His wife replies, “You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay”.

The husband says, “No, not at all”.

His wife asks angrily, “Well, what the hell were you doing then”?

I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.

[NSFW] Mary had a little sheep; And with that sheep she went to sleep…
– The sheep turned out to be a ram, and Mary had a little lamb!

What do you call it when you keep eating while you can’t sleep?
– Insom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nia!

How do you make a baby alien go to sleep?
– You rocket.

AITA for telling daddy I saw mummy kissing another man?
Last night, I (7m) couldn’t sleep so I went downstairs. I saw mummy (38f) kissing a strange man. I ran upstairs to tell daddy (41m) but he wasn’t in his bedroom. I went back to bed crying.
In the morning, mummy woke me up saying, “Merry Christmas” but I ran straight to daddy. I said, “Last night mummy was kissing Santa Claus (1751m)”.
Mummy looked really embarrassed but daddy just laughed at me.
Now I’m really confused. AITA?

What do you find butterflies asleep on?
– Caterpillows.

I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, “Well, that means…”
– “It’s pasture bedtime!”

What do you call it when a mass of white wool snores on a field?
– A sleep.

How often should you sleep in a tower?
– Every fortnight.

What would you call a sleeping pizza?
– A piZZZa!

How did the sheep bring herself to sleep?
– She counted her friends!

What do you do with an elephant who has trouble sleeping?
– You give it a trunk-quilizer.

My girlfriend just broke up with me for sleeping with her Grandmother
– Turns out I can’t have my Kate and Edith too.

Where do tired people go to buy their food?
– A grocery snore.

Why did the boy wake up with a puzzled look on his face?
– Because he fell asleep on a crossword.

Which is the best season for bed bugs to get married?
– The Spring.

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