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Sleep jokes 💤🛌 in 2025

What do you do when your pet poodle snores too much?
– You get a CPUP machine.

Where do all the books in the library crash at night?
– Under their covers!

I will not sleep
– until I find a cure for my insomnia..

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date,
– we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

How does a man survive who’s locked in a room with nothing but a bed and a calendar?
– He drinks water from the bed’s springs and eats dates from the calendar.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
– Not screaming like the people in his car.

How do you get a baby alien to sleep?
– You rocket!

What do you call a person who is tired of playing card games?
– Cardboard.

Why are dragons asleep during the day?
– So that they can fight knights.

Why is it difficult to get any specific information out of a bedding expert?
– Because they are always making blanket statements.

What happens if you sleep on your smartphone?
– You download a nap.

Three Guys Were Sleeping Together On A Single Bed
One on the left wakes up and says i had a dream i was getting a handjob from a hot blonde

The Guy on the right says that’s weird i had a similar dream but the only difference is the girl giving me a handjob was a brunette

The one in the middle says well i had a dream where i was Skiing!

What would you call a sleeping werewolf?
– An unaware wolf.

Why are people with insomnia some of the coolest?
– Because they’re up for anything.

What do you call a rock band whose members are in deep sleep?
– Snore Patrol.

What do you call a mare that sleeps around?
– a whorse

What do you call a music concert with a tired audience?
– Lollapasnooza.

What do you call a woodcutter who fell asleep?
– A slumberjack.

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