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Sleep jokes 💤🛌 in 2025

What is “relative to a short sleep?”
A napkin.
Sorry.

Do you know why mountains are always tired?
– Because they don’t Everest.

What did Papa cow read to the baby cow before going to bed?
– Dairy tales.

Doctor:I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.
Patient:Great, how often do I have to take it ?
Doctor:Every two hours.

What do you call it when you dream in color?
– A pigment of your imagination.

Before Chuck Norris goes sleep, he checks under his bed for Volodymyr Zelensky.
Tornadoes don’t exist, Volodymyr Zelensky just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris jokes but instead of Chuck Norris it’s Volodymyr Zelensky.

My doctor told me to drink less, sleep more, eat healthy & exercise everyday. So today I’m making a big change in my life.
– I’m no longer going to that doctor.

Do you know why bicycles can’t stand on their own?
– Because they are tired.

What do you call it when your feet fall asleep and wouldn’t wake up?
– Coma-toes.

What do you do when you’re not sure if you like the new mattress you just bought?
– You sleep on it.

When is the perfect time for the cattle to go to sleep?
– Pasture bedtime.

A good-natured conspiracy theorist wakes up and realizes that he’s died in his sleep and gone to heaven…God appears and says “welcome my son, as a reward for your virtuous life, I can answer one question for you about any topic you’d like with absolute certainty…”
The man thinks for a second and asks God “who actually killed JFK?”

God’s eyes roll back in to his head for a minute while he scours the divine historical record. After a moment, he returns to normal and says “Lee Harvey Oswald.”

The man replies “Wow! This goes way deeper than I thought!”

***

Told this in another thread, figured I’d share it here.

Why is sleeping so easy?
– Because you can do it with your eyes shut!

What happens when you don’t know whether you have insomnia or amnesia?
– You lose sleep trying to remember which one you have.

What do you call a person who snores a lot?
– A sound sleeper.

What is the hardest thing about sleeping with a blind woman?
– Matching her husband’s voice.

What do you call a tired herbivore?
– A Zzzzebra.

What happened to the woman after she fell asleep with her head under the pillow?
– The fairies took all her teeth out!

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