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Silly jokes in 2025

I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
-But if anything, it made him more sluggish.

What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?
-“Put it on my bill.”

The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?”
– And she replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.”

That was when I realized I’d left my phone on Airplane mode.

What do dentists call their x-rays?
-Tooth pics!

You: What cartoon mouse walks on two feet?
-Them: Mickey Mouse

You: What duck walks on two feet?

Them: Donald Duck

You: No, all ducks do!

What did the tie say to the hat?
-You go on ahead. I’ll hang around.

What did one elevator say to the other?
-I think I’m coming down with something.

Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
-They don’t meet the koalafications.

How did the hipster burn his mouth?
-He ate his pizza before it was cool.

A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says,
-“Five beers, please.”

What do you get from a pampered cow?
-Spoiled milk.

I tried to win a suntanning competition.
-But all I got was bronze.

Why did the giraffe get such bad grades?
-He always had his head stuck in the clouds.

Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
-It had great food, but no atmosphere.

Want to hear a joke about a roof?
– The first one’s on the house.

How do you make a tissue dance?
-Put a little boogie in it.

What happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together?
-The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win.
– No pun in ten did.

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