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Silly jokes in 2024

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?
-Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

How much space will be freed in the EU after Brexit?
-Approximately 1 GB.

Where do snowmen keep their savings?
-In the snowbank.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
-One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

I can never take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
-I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club
– but it’s been really hard to tell if people are interested in joining or not.

I told my friend ten jokes to make him laugh.
-Sadly, no pun in ten did.

You know what they say
– about cliffhangers…

My teachers told me I’d never amount to much since I procrastinate so much.
-I told them, “Just you wait!”

Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
-Because then they’d be bagels

Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time?
-To see 20:20.

What does a nosey pepper do?
– It gets jalapeño business.

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
-Attire.

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
-But John came fifth and won a toaster.

You heard the rumor going around about butter?
-Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief.
-But when I got home, the signs were all there.

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
-Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

Why were they called the “dark ages?”
-Because there were a lot of knights.

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