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Silly jokes in 2025

What happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together?
-The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win.
– No pun in ten did.

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
-Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there’s a dog.

What do you call a snail aboard a ship?
-A snailor.

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.
-Clooney says, “I’ll direct.”

DiCaprio says, “I’ll act.”

McConaughey says, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
-Nothing, it just waved.

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
-You probably think it’s “R” but it be the “C”.

What do you call a cow with a twitch?
-Beef jerky.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
-A waist of time.

How do you measure a snake?
-In inches—they don’t have feet.

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.
-But hay, it’s in my jeans.

I tried to catch fog yesterday.
-Mist.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
– I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

A horse walks into a bar.
– The bartender says, “Hey!”

The horse replies, “Sure.”

Whenever you jump on a trampoline, did you know it changes the season?
-No matter what time of year, it always becomes spring time.

Do you want to hear a construction joke?
– Sorry, I’m still working on it.

How much teddy bears never want to eat anything?
-Because they’re always stuffed.

I started a new job as a tailor last week.
-It’s been sew-sew.

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