Sandwich jokes 🥪 in 2025

if you were sandwiched between your parents, and you were an inch deep in your mom, and your dad was an inch deep in you, would you move forward or backward to get out?
interviewer: we meant questions about the job

Vaginas are like sandwiches.
– If I see pieces of cucumber inside one, I immediately back away.

A crusty old biker walls into a bar..
..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger – 2.99
Cheeseburger – 3.99
Chicken Sandwich – 4.99
Hand Jobs – 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” The bartender blushes slightly and says “Yes, I am” with a sexy little smile.
The biker grins and says “Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger.”

A sandwich walks into a bar
Bartender says “we don’t serve sandwiches.”
Sandwich says “that’s ok I just wanted a drink”

A roadside cafe sells ham sandwiches and handjobs
The sign reads “Ham Sandwiches: $3, Handjobs: $10”.
An elderly woman is standing behind the counter. A customer walks up and says, “Are you the one that gives the handjobs?”
“Yes I am!” she replies.
“Well, wash your goddamn hands, I want a ham sandwich!”

If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then…
… you dilly dally in the Dalai’s deli daily.

Who casts spells at the beach?
– The Sand-witch.

How do you confuse a feminist?
– Tell her you refuse to allow her to make you a sandwich.

I didn’t feel like cooking tonight, so I made a sandwich for dinner
It wasn’t so much as a sandwich as much as it was just bread.
I guess more just grain.
Fermented grain.
Distilled, fermented grain.
I had whisky for dinner tonight.

A Subway sandwich maker has a very eccentric regular customer.
– The eccentric customer always orders a tuna sandwich, but heavily modified, made with an extra cup of mayo, smothered in chili peppers, red peppers, onions, and pickles, then toasted until it’s burnt. It looks and smells disgusting and the worker dreads it when he sees that customer come in.
r>Finally he asks his boss if he can just not wait on that customer. His boss asks why.

The worker screams in frustration: “I hate the mods on that sub!”

What do you use to make an Argument Sandwich?
– Disagree-dients

Bought a new HP printer recently. The ink is a bit funny but tastes great on a bacon sandwich.

I saw a man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry.
I told him I had an extra sandwich and he could pick which one he wanted, turkey or roast beef. He looked at both sandwiches for about 30 seconds, them threw up his hands and ran off.
I wondered for a second, then I remembered,
“Beggars can’t be choosers”

A sandwich walks into a bar…
– The bartender says, with a sneer on his face, We don’t serve food here

Here is why you should never trust a sandwich
– They are full of baloney

2 lawyers are in a restaurant eating their sandwiches.
The owner walks in and says, “You can’t eat your own food in here!”
The lawyers sigh and swap sandwiches.

A Ham Sandwich Walks Into A Bar …
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender yells out, “Hey! We don’t serve ham sandwiches here.” To which the ham sandwich replies, “That’s okay, I just wanted a drink.”

When I…
A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, and yells “When I drink, everybody drinks!”. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders a drink.
After that, he orders another drink and yells “When I get another drink, everybody gets another drink!”. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders another drink.
After finishing the drink, the man orders a sandwich and yells “When I eat, everybody eats!”. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders food.
After eating the sandwich, the man buys a cigarette and yells “When I get a smoke, everybody gets a smoke!”. Everybody rushes to the counter and gets a cigarette.
After smoking, the man pays $25 and yells “When I pay, everybody pays!”