Sandwich jokes 🥪 in 2024

TIFU by ordering a Roast Beef instead of Chicken Teriyaki sandwich.
– Oops, wrong sub.

If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then…
… you dilly dally in the Dalai’s deli daily.

Did you hear the one about the armless man and the tuna sandwich?
– **He didn’t make it.**

A despondent young woman who had lost her job and her house had decided to commit suicide.
She was walking along a bridge across the harbor, getting the nerve to jump in, when a young man saw her.
“Don’t do it!” he called out. He looked at her and realized she was incredibly beautiful. He came closer.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. The woman told him.
“Okay, here’s the thing,” he said. “I’m a crew member on a ship that leaves for Europe tomorrow morning. How about you come with me on the ship. I’ll bring you food and drink.” He slid his arm around her. “I keep you happy, you keep me happy.”
She agreed. After all, there wasn’t much else to do. She didn’t have family. The man was quite handsome as well. No harm in trying.
The next morning, he hid her in one of the lifeboats on the ship with a pillow and a blanket. Every night, he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made love until dawn.
One day, about a week after the affair started, the captain was doing his rounds and found her inside one of the lifeboats. “What the hell are you doing here?” She explained what was going on.

“I get food and a trip to Europe, and he gets to screw me.”

“He sure does, sweetheart. This is the Sydney Harbor Ferry.”

What does Anakin Skywalker never order at a restaurant?
– Sandwiches.

Visited my dad and he made me a breakfast sandwich and I joked him for a change.
He made us all egg sandwiches, over easy – runny and delicious. I got some on my hand and as I went to lick it off said, “Yolks on me.”
Dad went, “Heh. That’s my girl.”
Ain’t no higher praise.

Why are Subway cooks called “Sandwich Artists”?
– Even art majors deserve recognition

What do you call someone from Alabama stuck in a sandwich?
– Inbread.

Who gets the first sandwich at an orgy?
– It’s first come first served.

I’ve just been out to the shop to buy 25 sandwiches for all my colleagues in the office
– I kept them all in separate bags though – didn’t want to put all my Greggs in the same basket

Had a mean sandwich the other day. Tasted average.

TIFU by making my customer the wrong sandwich, giving her an allergic reaction.
– Whoops. Wrong sub.

What’s a singer’s favorite sandwich?
– So-la-mi

My mum keeps moaning about the cost of things these days. £2.50 for a sandwich, £1.50 for coffee, £12.50 for a Sunday lunch….
– So I say to her, “look Mum, my house, my prices!”

I remember 30 years ago with a dollar you went to the supermarket and went out with 2 sandwiches, 1 box of 6 beers and a pack of cigars.
– Today, unfortunately, there are cameras everywhere.

A panda walks into a restaurant
and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter.
As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn’t even pay for your sandwich!”
“Hey, man, I’m a PANDA!” the panda shouts back. “Look it up!
“The manager opens his dictionary and reads: “Panda: a tree-dwelling-mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white-coloring. Eats, shoots and leaves.”

I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking.
– It was so disgusting I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.

why do people from Alabama love sandwiches?
– they like things that are inbread