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Sandwich jokes 🥪 in 2024

Bought a new HP printer recently. The ink is a bit funny but tastes great on a bacon sandwich.

I saw a man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry.
I told him I had an extra sandwich and he could pick which one he wanted, turkey or roast beef. He looked at both sandwiches for about 30 seconds, them threw up his hands and ran off.
I wondered for a second, then I remembered,
“Beggars can’t be choosers”

A sandwich walks into a bar…
– The bartender says, with a sneer on his face, We don’t serve food here

Here is why you should never trust a sandwich
– They are full of baloney

2 lawyers are in a restaurant eating their sandwiches.
The owner walks in and says, “You can’t eat your own food in here!”
The lawyers sigh and swap sandwiches.

A Ham Sandwich Walks Into A Bar …
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender yells out, “Hey! We don’t serve ham sandwiches here.” To which the ham sandwich replies, “That’s okay, I just wanted a drink.”

When I…
A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, and yells “When I drink, everybody drinks!”. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders a drink.
After that, he orders another drink and yells “When I get another drink, everybody gets another drink!”. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders another drink.
After finishing the drink, the man orders a sandwich and yells “When I eat, everybody eats!”. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders food.
After eating the sandwich, the man buys a cigarette and yells “When I get a smoke, everybody gets a smoke!”. Everybody rushes to the counter and gets a cigarette.
After smoking, the man pays $25 and yells “When I pay, everybody pays!”

I didn’t feel like cooking tonight, so I made a sandwich for dinner
It wasn’t so much as a sandwich as much as it was just bread.
I guess more just grain.
Fermented grain.
Distilled, fermented grain.
I had whisky for dinner tonight.

a caring mother makes her son loafs of bread shaped like batman, to make his sandwiches fun every time. guess what happens when it’s in the oven?
– the dark knight rises.

Where do golfers go to eat?
– The sand-wedge shop

Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich?
– Because the whole state is inbred

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:
– Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.
— – Jane ate her friend’s colon.

My sandwich had a bomb inside
– I think I might have explosive diarrhoea

Analogies are like ham sandwiches.
– I am currently making one.

Some friends are discussing the best way to make a toasted sandwich. I’m playing Breville’s Advocate.

TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich.
– Whoops, wrong sub.

TIL In India you can never buy a sandwich in the same place twice
– You always have to go to a New Del(h)i

In the Resident Evil series, how does one make a proper Jill Sandwich?
– You put it between two slices of Breadfield and then add some Weskershire sauce.

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