Sandwich jokes 🥪 in 2025

A cheese sandwich walks into a pub.
– The landlord says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food”

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, “can I help you?”
I was wondering, whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”
“Yes”, she purrs, “indeed I am.”
The man replies “Well wash your f#cking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!”

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.
– When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
“Ow!” yells the man, “I asked for this to be room temperature!”
“It is, sir” says the waiter “The kitchen is on fire.”

TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway
– Whoops, wrong sub.

All sandwiches are retarded…
…because they are inbred.

Why do Texas women make sandwiches with their left hands?
– Because they have no rights.

Amazing how a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence
For example:

-Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.

-Jane ate her friend’s colon.

Why don’t sandwiches like warm weather?
– Things get Toasty!

If your ex wife, and ex mother in law were drowning and you could only save one.. What kind of sandwich would you make?

A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew
– It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning’s work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there’s something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot sandwich.
He turns to his crew and asks if anyone snuck in to eat the sandwich. One by one, they all shake their heads and deny any wrongdoing. He’s at a loss until one of his guys points out that the company had hired an electrician to do a bit of wiring that morning.
“Of course!” the boss exclaims, “he’s the subcontractor!”

A cheese sandwich is better than complete happiness
– Because nothing is better than complete happiness, and a cheese sandwich is better than nothing.

Is a hot dog a sandwich or a sub?
– It’s just a hot dog. No bun intended.

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.

Mommy, could you please make me a sandwich?
– Don’t call me mommy just because I slept with your father!
So what am I supposed to call you?
Just call me Steve, like everybody else.

Two lawyers enter a restaurant.
– They both pull up suitcases onto the table they’re on, and take out a sandwich each from their suitcases. Seeing this, a waiter comes up to them and tells them they cannot eat their own food in the restaurant. With an irritated tsk and a shake of the head, the two lawyers exchange their sandwiches, much to the despair of the unfortunate waiter.

A sandwich walks into a bar
A sandwich walks into a bar and he asks for a lager. The barman tells him sorry but we don’t serve food here.
(The dude who works at the vaccine centre is waking around telling everyone dad jokes while they wait after their vaccine and it’s great.)

How do you make friends with a meat sandwich?
– You tell it a bunch of bologna

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads…
…”Cheese sandwich $3.50. Chicken sandwich $4.50. Handjob $5.” He checks his wallet and calls over the waitress. He asks, “Are you the one who does the handjob?”
She smiles at him seductively and says, “I am.”
He says, “Well, wash your fuckin’ hands. I want a cheese sandwich.”