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Roof jokes in 2025

Ever since I was a small child, I always wanted to be a roofer.
– You could say I was shingle minded.

When a roofer works pro bono…
– It’s on the house

Sir, the numbers are in and I’m pleased to report that chimney sales are through the roof.
– But our kindling branch is up in smoke

A rooster lays an egg on top of a roof. Which way does it roll?
– Roosters don’t lay eggs.

Now You Tell Me
A preacher in New Orleans is known to be a good, holy man of God.

One day, while the preacher is at home, a hurricane whips up, with torrential rains and rising waters. His neighbor comes by, saying he’s leaving, and would the preacher like ride? The preacher says, “No, the Lord will save me.” The neighbor says fine, and drives away.

A few hours later, the waters are rising. The preacher has to retreat to the second floor window. A fireman comes by in a boat, and asks the preacher if he would like to be taken to dry land. The preacher says, “No, the Lord will save me.” The fireman pulls away, surprised.

Hours later, the waters have risen further, and the preacher has been forced onto his roof. A helicopter flies over, and through a loudspeaker yells for the preacher to grab the rope, they will rescue him. The preacher says, “No, the Lord will save me.” Amazed, the helicopter leaves.

A few hours later, the waters overwhelm the house. The preacher drowns, and comes before the Lord. The preacher asks, “Why, Lord, after my professed faith in you, didn’t you save me?”

The Lord replies, “What do you mean? I sent you a car, a boat, and a helicopter. Whadda’ you want?”

I write this as a parable to anti-vaxxers.

I switched out my bed for a trampoline.
– My wife hit the roof when she found out.

A joke my grandpa just shared: so I asked the guy who roofed my house, Hows the roofing business?
– Guy replied, we’re on top of it

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