Roof jokes in 2025

Ever since I was a small child, I always wanted to be a roofer.
– You could say I was shingle minded.

When a roofer works pro bono…
– It’s on the house

Sir, the numbers are in and I’m pleased to report that chimney sales are through the roof.
– But our kindling branch is up in smoke

A rooster lays an egg on top of a roof. Which way does it roll?
– Roosters don’t lay eggs.

Now You Tell Me
A preacher in New Orleans is known to be a good, holy man of God.

One day, while the preacher is at home, a hurricane whips up, with torrential rains and rising waters. His neighbor comes by, saying he’s leaving, and would the preacher like ride? The preacher says, “No, the Lord will save me.” The neighbor says fine, and drives away.

A few hours later, the waters are rising. The preacher has to retreat to the second floor window. A fireman comes by in a boat, and asks the preacher if he would like to be taken to dry land. The preacher says, “No, the Lord will save me.” The fireman pulls away, surprised.

Hours later, the waters have risen further, and the preacher has been forced onto his roof. A helicopter flies over, and through a loudspeaker yells for the preacher to grab the rope, they will rescue him. The preacher says, “No, the Lord will save me.” Amazed, the helicopter leaves.

A few hours later, the waters overwhelm the house. The preacher drowns, and comes before the Lord. The preacher asks, “Why, Lord, after my professed faith in you, didn’t you save me?”

The Lord replies, “What do you mean? I sent you a car, a boat, and a helicopter. Whadda’ you want?”

I write this as a parable to anti-vaxxers.

I switched out my bed for a trampoline.
– My wife hit the roof when she found out.

A joke my grandpa just shared: so I asked the guy who roofed my house, Hows the roofing business?
– Guy replied, we’re on top of it

I just got back from the funeral of my 82 year old neighbour who died after falling off his roof when fixing his TV antenna.
– The funeral was sad, but the reception was excellent.

I think I identify as a church roof.
I’m beginning to tran-spire

Help! I’m stuck on Rick Astley’s roof
– He took away the ladder and said he is never gonna let me down.

I nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught masturbating on the first day…
– But luckily, my boss told me that I could wipe the slate clean.

I think my dog wants to be a carpenter.
– He likes roofing.

Isaac Newton: *slaps roof of car*
Car roof: *slaps Isaac Newton*

Two carpenters are fixing a barn roof…
when the wind blows their ladder over. “Oh great,” says the first one, “How are we supposed to get down?”

“Well,” replies the second one, “I’ll go to this end and look for a way down, and you can go to the opposite end and search as well.”

“Ok,” replies the first carpenter as he goes to investigate his end of the barn. He looks around but sees nothing close enough for him to climb on to get down from the roof. As he’s searching, he sees the second carpenter walking past on the ground.

The first carpenter calls out, “Hey, how did you get down?”

The second carpenter looks up and says, “I jumped in a pile of manure on the other side. It’s about ankle-deep!”
So the first carpenter hurries to the other side and jumps in the pile of manure and lands up to his neck in it.

He climbs out, disgusted, and catches up to the second carpenter asking, “Why did you tell me it was ankle deep? I landed in a pile of manure up to my neck!”

The second carpenter blinks and says, “You didn’t dive in head first?”

Roofers are very straightforward.
– It’s always easy to tell what they are rafter.

Uncle Mike the roofer
– My Uncle mike is a roofer. I got him to do some work on my house. After he finished I asked him “how much do I owe you?”

He said, “The gutters are gonna be a couple hundred, but since we are family, the shingles are on the house.”

How many lawyers does it take to tile a roof?
– It depends on how thinly you slice them

A bartender walks out of a bar, sees a shot of Vodka on the roof and says:
– This one’s on the house.