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Roof jokes in 2024

Did you hear the one about the roofer with a perfect safety record?
– He never had a shingle accident.

What do you call a roofer who drinks a lot?
– A re-covering alcoholic.

Want to hear a roof joke?
– This one’s on the house.

I was babysitting my brother’s cat and he called to check on her
Me: She’s dead

Brother: OMG, that’s not how you break news to someone about a beloved pet!

Me: Then how?

Brother: You say: I am afraid I have some bad news. Your cat escaped, went outside, and started chasing a squirrel. The squirrel ran up onto the roof and the cat gave chase. The squirrel leapt from the roof, and the cat tried to follow, but fell. We rushed her to the vet and they did all they could, but I am afraid she didn’t make it. THAT’S! how you break bad news to someone.

Me: I understand, my apologies.

Brother: Anyways, how is mom?

Me: Well, she was up on the roof, chasing a squirrel…

The roof is not my son…
– But I will raise it

I live under a 4 million dollar roof.
– Bridges sure are expensive.

TIL: Roofing in the Summer heat can be dangerous
WARNING: HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA

There are three kittens on a roof (science/nerd joke)
– There are three kittens on a roof in a rain storm. Which is the last to slide off?

The one with the highest mu.

……………………………………………………

(mu (can’t create the symbol) is the coefficient of friction. But I bet you knew that already)

What do skeletons use for the roofs of their houses?
– Shin-gles.

Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory.
There’s de Brie everywhere

Did you hear the one about the roofer with a perfect safety record?
– He never had a shingle accident.

I took a roofing class
– So I took a roofing class in college, all of the content went right over my head.

Went to a party with a construction team the other week. They really raised the roof.

An electrician installed two aeriels on the same roof . . .
– The aeirels quickly fell in love, went on many dates and were soon married. The wedding went off without a hitch . . .

But there was no reception.

When a roofer works pro bono…
– It’s on the house.

My landlord yelled at me today because my heating bill is through the roof and that he’s going to have to come over soon to discuss a solution.
– I told him my door is always open.

I had a big wasps nest under the eve of my roof so I went to the hardware store to find some wasp spray. I found a can and asked a worker if this was good for wasps?
– He says “No, it kills them.”

A woman and her neighbor are on her roof in Houston waiting for rescue
While they’re waiting, the neighbor notices a baseball cap floating through the flood waters. Suddenly, to her surprise, the baseball cap turns around and starts floating the other way. After going some ways, it turns around and floats back again. She observes this going on for some time, back and forth in a pattern, until she decides to point it out.
“Do you see that baseball cap? Isn’t that the strangest thing you’ve ever seen?”
“Oh, that?” replies the woman. “That’s my husband. I told him he’s mowing the lawn today come hell or high water.”

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