Roof jokes in 2025

I got a pop up ad for a locally owned Sean Connery roofing supply company
It said, shingles in your area .

This building is so tall, that if you jumped off the roof…
– You would die of old age.

I would tell you the joke about the roof.
But it may be a little over your head

If you’re looking for a relationship, become a roofer.
– You’re bound to find hot shingles in your area.

A roofer with a lisp
– Is hired to install new roofs across the city, when he didnt get paid – he began tearing up all his hard work without discrimination.
It was roofless.

My none-too-bright mate had an accident on a building site when a slate fell off the roof and sliced his ear off…
“Here it is” said one of the lads working with him holding up what looked like a bloody walkers ridge crisp.

My mate shook his head “No, that’s not it, mine had a pencil tucked behind it”

Two cat’s are on a roof, which one falls off first?
– The one with the smallest mu.

A man walks into a bar……
– He sits down and has a few beers and with a big grin on his face he strikes up a conversation with the guy next to him. He tells him “You will never believe this, but there is some kind of updraft in the ally next to this bar and you can walk right off of the roof and just hover in place!”

Of course the guy doesn’t believe the drunk guy telling the story so he goes “Yeah? Prove it”. So the drunk guy says “come on I’ll show you, it’s incredible!”.

They go up to the roof and without a second thought he walks of the building and to the other dudes surprise he was indeed just floating there! The other guy is amazed and astonished, he goes “I gotta try that!” He steps off of the edge and falls like a stone to the pavement below.

So the drunk guy enters the bar again and with a grin on his face chuckling to himself, the bartender gives him a glance and says “Geez Superman, you’re such a mean drunk!”

Jesus spoke to me yesterday.
– But I don’t like talking to my roofers, so I had his brother Juan tell him not to do that in the future.

Two Antennas met on a roof.
– A year later, they got married the wedding wasn’t great but the reception was incredible.

I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup to the roof of my car
– Now everyone waves at me

Pierre the French Canadian got a job roofing
– He was taking 100 lb bundles of shingles up the ladder to the roof. On his way up, the roofer slipped and pushed a bundle down on him. It clipped the side of his head, slicing off his ear. Everyone on the job site helped him look for his ear on the ground. One guy finally hollered “found it”. Pierre said, “no, no, mon ami…my ear had a pencil behind it”

Did you hear about the roofer who slipped on the job and got sick?
– He came down with shingles.

Last month I unknowingly purchased stolen roofing supplies. I wrote a Craigslist post to alert others…
– HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA

A nun goes to the priest and says “father, there’s a hole in the roof of your church.”
“Thank you for telling me,” he replies “but you’ve been here for years, it’s our church.”

The next day the nun goes to the priest and says “father, there’s a broken window in your- I mean, our, church.” He thanks her again and calls for a repairman.

The following day the priest is preparing for a visit from the local bishop. As he is weeding the gardens, he cuts his hand. Calling the nun over he says “there’s a bottle of rubbing alcohol in my quarters somewhere, could you fetch it for me?” The nun nods and goes looking for it.

It is as the priest is greeting the bishop that she returns from the church and loudly announces “father, don’t worry about the weed, the alcohol was under our bed!”

Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.
She’d hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

“Excuse me, miss,” said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. “The Hilton doesn’t mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday.”

“What difference does it make?” Joan asked rather calmly. “No one can see me up here, and besides, I’m covered with a towel.” “Not exactly,” said the embarrassed man. “You’re resting on the dining room skylight.”

I’d like to dedicate this joke to my father, who was a roofer.
– So Dad, if you’re up there…

[From a speaker at my college the other day] Well, my father was a roofer, and I’d like to dedicate this to him.
– So, dad, if you’re up there… *points up*