Roof jokes in 2024

Why was the dog wearing a construction hat?
– His speciality is roofing.

The relative who wanted to borrow money
– A relative just called & asked if I would loan her $1300.00 to help pay her rent. Those who know me, know that I’m always willing to help out friends & family. I told her to give me some time to think about it & I would call her back. Before I called her back, her brother called & told me that my relative was lying & not to give her the money. He goes on to say that the real reason my relative wanted the $1300.00 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she could be under the same roof as him for his birthday. I thought about it for a minute & decided to give her the $1300.00 because we all need help at times. So, I called my relative and told her to come get the money. A couple of hours later I get a call from the County Jail. It was my relative crying, screaming & asking why I gave her counterfeit money.

My response…. so you & your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday….

I spent the morning by thoroughly coating the ladder that leads into my roof space with grease.
– Its an anti-climb attic story.

I took my dog to the local talent agent yesterday.
We walked through the door and I handed him our card:

“Barney. Talking dog.”

The agent chuckled, leaned back in his chair, and said, “Alright, show me what you got.”

“Hey Barn, how was work this week?”

“Rough.”

“What goes on top of a house?”

“Roof.”

“Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?”

“Ruth.”

Just then the agent grabbed us both and tossed us out into the street.

Barney was just sitting there, looking forlornly at the ground and shaking his head.

“Knew I should have said Hank Aaron.”

My roofer was so kind, he told me that I didn’t need to pay for his services!
– He said its on the house.

Started a charity roofing company.
– The name? It’s on the House.

Why were you on the roof drinking?
– Because you told me the drinks were on the house!

Chuck Norris doesn’t have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don’t dare to come in

Did you hear the one about the roofer with a perfect safety record?
– He never had a shingle accident.

What do you call a roofer who drinks a lot?
– A re-covering alcoholic.

Want to hear a roof joke?
– This one’s on the house.

I was babysitting my brother’s cat and he called to check on her
Me: She’s dead

Brother: OMG, that’s not how you break news to someone about a beloved pet!

Me: Then how?

Brother: You say: I am afraid I have some bad news. Your cat escaped, went outside, and started chasing a squirrel. The squirrel ran up onto the roof and the cat gave chase. The squirrel leapt from the roof, and the cat tried to follow, but fell. We rushed her to the vet and they did all they could, but I am afraid she didn’t make it. THAT’S! how you break bad news to someone.

Me: I understand, my apologies.

Brother: Anyways, how is mom?

Me: Well, she was up on the roof, chasing a squirrel…

The roof is not my son…
– But I will raise it

I live under a 4 million dollar roof.
– Bridges sure are expensive.

TIL: Roofing in the Summer heat can be dangerous
WARNING: HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA

There are three kittens on a roof (science/nerd joke)
– There are three kittens on a roof in a rain storm. Which is the last to slide off?

The one with the highest mu.

……………………………………………………

(mu (can’t create the symbol) is the coefficient of friction. But I bet you knew that already)

What do skeletons use for the roofs of their houses?
– Shin-gles.

Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory.
There’s de Brie everywhere