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Roof jokes in 2024

I took a roofing class
– So I took a roofing class in college, all of the content went right over my head.

Went to a party with a construction team the other week. They really raised the roof.

An electrician installed two aeriels on the same roof . . .
– The aeirels quickly fell in love, went on many dates and were soon married. The wedding went off without a hitch . . .

But there was no reception.

When a roofer works pro bono…
– It’s on the house.

My landlord yelled at me today because my heating bill is through the roof and that he’s going to have to come over soon to discuss a solution.
– I told him my door is always open.

I had a big wasps nest under the eve of my roof so I went to the hardware store to find some wasp spray. I found a can and asked a worker if this was good for wasps?
– He says “No, it kills them.”

A woman and her neighbor are on her roof in Houston waiting for rescue
While they’re waiting, the neighbor notices a baseball cap floating through the flood waters. Suddenly, to her surprise, the baseball cap turns around and starts floating the other way. After going some ways, it turns around and floats back again. She observes this going on for some time, back and forth in a pattern, until she decides to point it out.
“Do you see that baseball cap? Isn’t that the strangest thing you’ve ever seen?”
“Oh, that?” replies the woman. “That’s my husband. I told him he’s mowing the lawn today come hell or high water.”

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.

Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and getting dizzy.
He calls down to Murphy and says “I tink I will ave to go home, I’ve come all over giddy and feel sick”. Murphy asks “Ave yer got vertigo?” Paddy replies “No I only live round the corner”

I live under a 4 million dollar roof.
– Bridges sure are expensive.

How does a man put on a roof by himself?
– Shingle-handedly

I was walking past a building site when the guy hammering the roof called me a “paranoid little weirdo”.
In morse code.

Anyone know a good roofer?
– Nevermind, the glass ceiling didn’t get smashed…

They say 1 in 3 adults will get shingles in their lifetime
But not me.
I’m a plumber, I don’t do roofing.

Police have confirmed that the man who tragically fell from the roof of an 18 floor nightclub,
– was not a bouncer.

There’s a new company that’s planning to feed cows a diet of cannabis mixed in with their food.
– They claim that the relaxed cattle produce more milk, and tender meat. The issue is that the legal costs of this are through the roof, and even the best estimates are that they won’t turn a profit until 2034. The steaks have never been higher.

Why are roofers always irritated?
– Because they have to deal with shingles all the time.

What did the roofer take with him when he went to buy supplies?
– A shinglers list.

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