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Rodney Dangerfield Jokes in 2024

I tell you, I’m not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

“I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, “Doc, I keep thinking I’m a dog.” He told me to get off his couch.

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn’t help me at all.

“My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.”

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

My wife is never nice. She won a trip for two to Las Vegas. She went twice.

My wife isn’t very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, “Did you see the guy that did it?” She said, “No, but I got the license plate.”

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

My old man was a workaholic: every time he thought about work, he got drunk.

“I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.”

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!

I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.

From my wife, I don’t get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. My wife lit it.

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