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Retirement jokes ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ต in 2025

You get to retire, and I don’t. Eat …. cake.

You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.

Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
– Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.

โ€œWhen a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.โ€

Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay.

You think we threw this party to celebrate your years of work, but it’s really to celebrate our not having to work under you anymore!

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

โ€œWork is the curse of the drinking classes.โ€

โ€œThe really frightening thing about middle age is that you know youโ€™ll grow out of it.โ€ โ€“ Doris Day

Now that you’re retired, you can binge watch all those great Netflix shows! What will you do the second week?

Why do Retirees smile all the time? Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!

If the music’s too loud you’re too old.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you donโ€™t mind, it doesnโ€™t matter.

Retirement: No job, no stress, no pay!

I hate to leave you all here, but I love the idea of me walking out the door more!

You know youre fifty when your chiropractor sends you birthday cards.

My wife and I have started aggressively planning for our retirement, and by that I mean weโ€™re playing the lottery 3-5 times per week.

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