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Retirement jokes ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ต in 2025

I saw 2 men mugging an old lady and I asked myself if I should help but decided that 3 would be overkill.

โ€œI need to retire from retirement.โ€

I hope you like Saturdays, because every day just became Saturday!

I retired and all I got was this grocery store cake.

Children are the leading cause of old age.

I am so old I can tell the same joke on facebook every day. Some of my friends are so old, they will think it is a new joke every day.

The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.

Welcome to the next phase of life. There’s no dress code, but you probably can’t afford clothes anymore, anyway!

Don’t be one of those boomerang retirees. Even if your job’s still here, we don’t want you to be miserable with us!

When we were young, we would compare liquor and women. Now we compare statins.

I love coffee. Itโ€™s Redbull for old people.

Children are the leading cause of old age.

Wouldn’t it be great if people had celebrated your employment as much as they’re celebrating your retirement?

It’s sad you can’t even be the boss of yourself in retirement. I’m sure your wife has been looking forward to this for years.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

The soldier who survived mustard-gas and pepper-spray… is now a seasoned veteran.

โ€œRetirement is not in my vocabulary. They arenโ€™t going to get rid of me that way.โ€

Congratulations on deciding life is more important than work. What took you so long?

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