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Retirement jokes ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ต in 2025

What’s the difference between people and tin foil? Tin foil doesn’t wrinkle as it oldens.

โ€œI have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.โ€

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

I hear retirement can be really fun, but what’s fun about being lazy and bored?

Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
– Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

When is a retireeโ€™s bedtime? Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

The best part about being retired is never having to request time off.

You get to retire, and I don’t. Eat …. cake.

You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.

Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
– Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.

โ€œWhen a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.โ€

Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay.

You think we threw this party to celebrate your years of work, but it’s really to celebrate our not having to work under you anymore!

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

โ€œWork is the curse of the drinking classes.โ€

โ€œThe really frightening thing about middle age is that you know youโ€™ll grow out of it.โ€ โ€“ Doris Day

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