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Retirement jokes ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ต in 2025

The soldier who survived mustard-gas and pepper-sprayโ€ฆ is now a seasoned veteran.

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โ€œRetirement is not in my vocabulary. They arenโ€™t going to get rid of me that way.โ€

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Congratulations on deciding life is more important than work. What took you so long?

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This is the last time anyone will throw you a party for quitting.

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The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.

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My wife and I have started aggressively planning for our retirement, and by that I mean weโ€™re playing the lottery 3-5 times per week.

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Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.

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Sometimes the best part of your job is retirement.

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We thought you were a team player, and thereโ€™s no โ€œIโ€ in team, although there is one in โ€œretirement.โ€

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Just remember, itโ€™s better to pay full price than to admit youโ€™re a senior citizen.

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Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

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Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy things only the young can enjoy.

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Congratulations. Youโ€™ve retired from your job. Too bad the next step is retiring from life!

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You worked so hard all these years to become what, a couch bum?

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Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles โ€œhow to read a bookโ€.

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Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?

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Whatโ€™s the difference between people and tin foil?
โ€“ Tin foil doesnโ€™t wrinkle as it oldens.

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Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay.

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