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Retirement jokes ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ต in 2025

You know youre fifty when your chiropractor sends you birthday cards.

My wife and I have started aggressively planning for our retirement, and by that I mean weโ€™re playing the lottery 3-5 times per week.

โ€œRetirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples.โ€

How can you ever be sure people are happy you get to retire and not happy they finally got rid of you?

I’m so sorry for your loss. No one is ever going to call you “boss” again.

The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common “enemy”.

I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.

โ€œI think that retirement is the first step towards the grave.โ€

Sometimes the best part of your job is retirement.

You’ve finally reached retirement age! Does that make you old or me young?

Don’t mess with old people, life imprisonment is not that much of a deterrent anymore.

I don’t date older women because it takes too long to listen to their life story.

Itโ€™s better to pay full price than to admit youโ€™re a senior citizen.

โ€œGodโ€™s retirement plan is out of this world.โ€ โ€“ Unknown

We were sad to hear you’re retiring until we realized it means one less person absentmindedly hitting “reply all” needlessly on emails.

My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach, which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.

If the musicโ€™s too loud youโ€™re too old.

โ€œExcept for the occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.โ€

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