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Retirement jokes ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ต in 2024

A mate said he saw several elderly men repairing shoes in the back of a van. I reckon it’s a load of old cobblers.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.

โ€œAging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.โ€

When did being unemployed become something to brag about?

It’s going to be so weird not seeing you every day. What’s your name again?

Why are there so many old people in Church? They’re cramming for the final.

My brother and I were visiting our grandmother in the hospital. My brother says “grandma I can’t stand to see you like this…” My grandmother replies “well get the hell out then!”

โ€œIn retirement, I look for days off from my days off.โ€

Retirement is wonderful. Itโ€™s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.

Wait, you’re leaving? I thought we were just all really excited you were getting new tires on your car!

When you retire do you turn into the old version of Boss Baby? Will you be wearing a suit and tie while you nap on the couch?

Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

I’ve learnt that saying “Oh, this old thing?”
– isn’t an appropriate way to introduce an elderly relative.

How can you tell that youโ€™re getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!

We all aspire to retire, and then what?

Who’s Retiring? Oh well, another excuse for cake.

How many retirees to change a light bulb?
– Only one, but it might take all day.

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognize you.

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