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Retirement jokes ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ต in 2025

I hear retired people have a much higher death rate than working people. I wonder what thatโ€™s all about?

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Where will we be without our fearless leader? Oh, thatโ€™s right, weโ€™ll be relaxed and happy!

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My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

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I saw 2 men mugging an old lady and I asked myself if I should help but decided that 3 would be overkill.

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โ€œI need to retire from retirement.โ€

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I hope you like Saturdays, because every day just became Saturday!

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I retired and all I got was this grocery store cake.

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Children are the leading cause of old age.

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I am so old I can tell the same joke on facebook every day. Some of my friends are so old, they will think it is a new joke every day.

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The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.

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Welcome to the next phase of life. Thereโ€™s no dress code, but you probably canโ€™t afford clothes anymore, anyway!

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Donโ€™t be one of those boomerang retirees. Even if your jobโ€™s still here, we donโ€™t want you to be miserable with us!

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When we were young, we would compare liquor and women. Now we compare statins.

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I love coffee. Itโ€™s Redbull for old people.

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Children are the leading cause of old age.

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Wouldnโ€™t it be great if people had celebrated your employment as much as theyโ€™re celebrating your retirement?

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Itโ€™s sad you canโ€™t even be the boss of yourself in retirement. Iโ€™m sure your wife has been looking forward to this for years.

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Be nice to your kids. Theyโ€™ll choose your nursing home.

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