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Retirement jokes ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ต in 2025

Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.

I hope you like Saturdays, because every day just became Saturday!

Now that you’re retired, you’ve got plenty of time to help me out with all the things I don’t have time to do!

When is a retiree’s bedtime?
– Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

The next tropical cyclone should be named after you. It would be less fatal than your face.

โ€œI always likened retirement to falling off a cliff, and then you have to kind of brush yourself off.โ€

Happy end of everything you’ve worked your whole life for…wait, why are you retiring?

Retirement can’t be that different from work; you still get to use sheets, visit docs, and steal other people’s food out of the fridge.

Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.

What’s the difference between people and tin foil? Tin foil doesn’t wrinkle as it oldens.

โ€œI have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.โ€

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

I hear retirement can be really fun, but what’s fun about being lazy and bored?

Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
– Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

When is a retireeโ€™s bedtime? Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

The best part about being retired is never having to request time off.

You get to retire, and I don’t. Eat …. cake.

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