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Real estate jokes 🏡🏡 in 2025

Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
– It had a window pane.

Why do appraisers carry a wasp in their hand?
– Value is in the eye of the bee holder.

All appraisers seem to carry wasps. They think the value of the eye always stays in the bee holder!

What did Winnie the Pooh say to his realtor?
– “Hey bro, now show me the hive.”

Excuse me, are you a booming real estate property?
– because I’m about to pump my liquid assets into you

Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
– The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.

Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
– You always have to deal with battles of wills.

Why was the man upset?
– Because though he had good wall to wall carpets, he still had to pay back to wall payments!

What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
– He said, “Well, all’s well that dwells well”.

Help! What to do with a piece of empty Real Estate?
– It was my Christmas gift for Mariah Carey, but when I gave it to her she told me,
“I don’t want a lot for Christmas”

When it comes to board games about buying real estate…
– Hasbro truly has the Monopoly.

I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!

What did the agent-client say to the bad realtor?
– He said, “See you in Sell”.

An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted…
– “Nobody move!”

How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
– You start out with two million.

What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
– She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.

What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar? “Ma’am, is your name FHA loan?
– Because you have most certainly caught my interest”.

What did the senior agent who grew up in the bay area advise his juniors?
– “10% of the money is made by your schemes, but 90% is made by catching giant waves”.

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