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Real estate jokes 🏡🏡 in 2025

I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but I was outbid at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true:
– You can’t win a mall.

I was offered the chance to buy some real estate in Egypt’s Valley of the Kings
– but it turned out to be just a pyramid selling scheme

Why did the real estate agent buy a skateboard?
– So they could flip it.

A sophisticated realtor constantly speaks about proper tea.

Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
– Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!

The price of real estate in my neighbourhood has become so expensive only cats can afford it.
You need 9 lives to pay it off.

Ps – should this be in /showerthoughts?

Why would a real estate business never close down?
– Since it’ll never be out of commission.

We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
– They always have the lawn sprinkler on… it’s a source of constant irrigation.

What did the realtor remark when he saw a fine piece of clothing?
– It’s a fine print.

What would Spock say if he was a real estate agent who sold a house to his client?
– He would say, “Live long and prosper in this property”.

It’s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns
– Last time I voted for a real estate agent

What does a British real estate agent care most about?
– His proper tea.

All periodic table elements were hired by the real estate company
-because they have lots of properties!

How do you know the line of your property?
– You see where your realtor neighbor tends his grass!

I started to get really worried about climate change when I was house shopping and my real estate agent used the phrase:
– “Potential Water Front Property”

An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted…
– “Nobody move!”

Which genre of music do realtors love listening to the most?
– House music.

Al always carries a video camera to get the accurate square footage!

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