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Real estate jokes 🏡🏡 in 2025

How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
– Ten-ants.

My realtor sold me a two-story house.
– One story before the offer, another story after the offer.

I dislike realtors the most. While buying a two-storied house, he gave me a story before I bought it.

Why do realtors love skateboard?
– Because they can flip it whenever they want!

So I was in the pub and mate who’s a thief came up to me and said ” I just robbed this place and got two pictures one is worth 1.5 million and the other is worth 2.5 million , come to my van and have look”
– So we got to the van and he showed me the pictures I said “You just robbed a real estate agent”….

What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
– He sells you the engagement ring.

When Thor decided to leave the Avengers, he turned to real estate.
– He’s going to be a real-thor.

When does someone feel homesick?
– Usually at month ends when the mortgage has to be paid!

Which song of Led Zeppelin do realtors love the most?
– ‘A Whole Lot Of Love’.

I was watching the Super Bowl at my friends house when my real estate agent called me…
– Told me some of my property had burned down.

In both cases, Mahomes’ on fire.

Why are graveyards so desperate to leave the real estate business?
– Because cemeteries are a dying industry.

The French monarch was very upset when his brand new estate was destroyed during the French revolution. He said that the results were chateau-strophic!

Why was the realtor surprised to see his houses being broken into?
– Because he was Sher-locks Holmes!

I was offered the chance to buy some real estate in Egypt’s Valley of the Kings
– but it turned out to be just a pyramid selling scheme

Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
– It had a window pane.

Why do appraisers carry a wasp in their hand?
– Value is in the eye of the bee holder.

All appraisers seem to carry wasps. They think the value of the eye always stays in the bee holder!

What did Winnie the Pooh say to his realtor?
– “Hey bro, now show me the hive.”

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