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Psychology jokes 🧠 in 2025

What do you call a psychologist cat?
– A freudy cat!

So I told my psychologist….
– Me: I’m a wigwam, I’m a tipi, I’m a wigwam, I’m a tipi, I’m a wigwam, I’m a tipi, I’m a wigwam, I’m a tipi.

– psychologist: relax man, you’re too tense.

Why was the calendar depressed?

– Because it’s days were numbered.

What undergarment does a psychologist wear?
– A Freudian Slip

What did everyone call Freud after he lied about studying for the psychology exam?
– Sigmund Fraud.

“Doctor, I’d like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son.”
“Ok, he’s suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery.”
– “How can you say all that without even meeting him?”
– “I thought you said he’s 13?”

Why did the fashionista not do a master’s in psychology?
– She didn’t really approve of APA style.

What did the the psychologist say to his patient, who hears voices, about her congestion?
– It’s all in your head.

I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician…
– …when I pulled a habit out of a rat.

The psychologist and psychiatrist society says talking to plants and pots during the pandemic is perfectly normal…
– Seek help, if they start talking back…

What did the hypnotherapist say to the client that always whined about his age?
– If you want, we can go back 10 years.

Why don’t you ever overhear a psychology major in the bathroom?
– Their ‘p’ is always silent.

Narcissist to best mate: ‘I just love my new girlfriend. We like all the same things. She loves me, and I love me!

What did the behaviorist ask the other behaviorist when he bumped into him on the street?
– How am I performing today?

What did the depressed statistician say when the psychologist asked if someone had been mean to him?
– I don’t remember, but probably.

My psychologist says I have an obsession with vengeance
– We’ll see about that

As a child, I wanted to be a psychologist.
– But my parents told me, “We’re a-Freud you’re too Jung for that.”

Sandy: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog.
– Doctor: Lie down on the couch and I’ll examine you.
– Sandy: I can’t, I’m not allowed on the furniture.

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