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Psychology jokes 🧠 in 2024

What do you call a psychologist’s clothes?
– Shrinkwrap

Why did the psychology major struggle so much during his memory exam?
– He couldn’t remember anything because he blanked out.

Knock knock

– Who’s there?

– I’m a…

– I’m a who?

– I’m a dual personality…OMG…so am I!

Child walks past the parents bedroom,
– looks inside and mumbles: And you want to send me to a psychologist for thumb sucking.

Why did the psychologist not meet the client who thought he was invisible?
– He didn’t have the time to see him.

Why didn’t the psychology grad learn anything in college?
– He minored in reverse psychology.

Did you hear about that psychologist’s awesome speech last night?
– It was amazing! The crowd was really eating it up. Everyone was going absolutely sane.

“After 12 years of therapy, my psychotherapist said something that brought tears to my eyes.”
– “What did he say?” “No hablo inglés.”

Why did the homeless psychology student reject her fiance’s marriage proposal?
– She was still stuck on the second level of Maslow’s hierarchy.

What does a psychologist do when they’ve lost their sanity?
– They talk to themself.

Why wasn’t the psychologist able to study?
– His light bulb didn’t have many Wats-on it.

What does a psychologist say to a psychology major when he confronts him about his theory?
– The psychologist says that he has a lot of ego.

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

– Just one. All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around him.

I told my psychologist I was thinking about killing myself.
– He said, “How can I help?”

What did the patient say when the psychologist asked him how long he’d thought he was a dog?
– I’ve been thinking that from the time that I was a puppy.

My flat-earther friend was diagnosed by a psychologist
– He suffers from very sphere delusions.

Psychiatrist to his nurse:

– “Just say we’re very busy. Don’t keep saying ‘It’s a madhouse.'”

What did the employee say when his boss asked him if he should hire him as a reverse psychologist?
– I don’t think you should.

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