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Psychology jokes 🧠 in 2024

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
– None. The light bulb will change itself when it’s ready.

A guy goes into a psychologist and says, “Hey Doc, I think I’m schizophrenic.”
– The doctor says, “What a coincidence that makes four of us!”

What did the psychologist tell the patient who felt that everyone ignored him?
– Nothing, he was too busy taking a call.

What do Psychologists say to each other when they meet?
– “You’re fine, how am I?”

The first rule of reverse psychology club is don’t not talk about reverse psychology club

What did the retired hippocampus tell all of his clients?
– Thank you for all of the memories.

I told my psychologist I’m having suicidal thoughts.
– He’s making me pay in advance now.

A man wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap is taken to a psychologist for an evaluation
– He walks into the office and the first thing the psychologist says is, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”

What did the psychology major say when the psychologist asked him how long he had memory issues?
– From the time that I can remember.

I just had a good chuckle, its been awhile.

– I joined the Tourettes society today. It only took a minute to swear me in.

I just got back from my first session at the Bird Psychologist
– He comes highly recommended, but the tweetment won’t be cheep.

What did the author of the reverse psychology books request his readers to do?
– Not read the book.

A conversation between a psychologist and an anaesthetist was described as …..
– ….. mind numbing.

A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder.
– The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him.
– The psychologist gets up, brushes himself off, turns to the group and declares: “That’s his problem.”

Why did all the dogs start salivating when the ice cream truck passed by?
– It rang a bell.

What’s the difference between psychologists and proctologists?
– Phsychologists analyze

Why did the psychology student ask the speaker if he had Broca’s aphasia?
– His lecture left him speechless.

If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you 273 times…..
– I do not suffer from OCD

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