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Psychology jokes 🧠 in 2024

I asked my therapist never to tell anyone about my Oedipus complex.
– He said ‘sure, mum’s the word’.

Pavlov’s dog to his ladyfriend:
– “See that! Everytime I salivate, Pavlov smiles and scribbles something in his notebook.”

What does a psychologist wear to work?
– Shrinkwrap.

How many psychologists does it take to change a tire?
– Only one, but the tire should have the motivation to change.

Who is every psychologist’s BF?
– Skinner

– B.F. Skinner… Get it?

– Anyone?

How do you tell the difference between psychiatrists and patients in a hospital?

– The patients get better and leave

Why is there no point in going to a child psychologist?
– They’re too young.

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
– It doesn’t matter. How did that joke make you feel?

Why was the psychology major so stressed about his upcoming therapy session?
– He had to reach self-actualization before the session.

What did the psychology student do before his final presentation?
– He psyched himself up.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
– None. The light bulb will change itself when it’s ready.

A guy goes into a psychologist and says, “Hey Doc, I think I’m schizophrenic.”
– The doctor says, “What a coincidence that makes four of us!”

What did the psychologist tell the patient who felt that everyone ignored him?
– Nothing, he was too busy taking a call.

What do Psychologists say to each other when they meet?
– “You’re fine, how am I?”

The first rule of reverse psychology club is don’t not talk about reverse psychology club

What did the retired hippocampus tell all of his clients?
– Thank you for all of the memories.

I told my psychologist I’m having suicidal thoughts.
– He’s making me pay in advance now.

A man wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap is taken to a psychologist for an evaluation
– He walks into the office and the first thing the psychologist says is, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”

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