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Psychology jokes 🧠 in 2024

Psychiatrist to his nurse:

– “Just say we’re very busy. Don’t keep saying ‘It’s a madhouse.'”

What did the employee say when his boss asked him if he should hire him as a reverse psychologist?
– I don’t think you should.

I went to the psychologist to treat my big ego
– I think it worked, I’m feeling much better than all of you today.

What did the psychology major study in wizarding college?
– Defense against his dark concepts.

What did the psychology major act like a 15-year-old?
– He was Jung at heart.

I went to a psychologist for years to get my head on straight.
– After all that time and money I found out it was only my tie that was on crooked.

Psychologists have discovered a new way to see into the minds of those with ADHD
– They’re calling it AD4K

What did the psychologist tell the actor that impulsively performed his roles?
– I think you’re acting out.

Man goes to see a psychologist
Dr: “what brought you in today?”

– Man: “I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam”

– Dr: “sir you need to calm down, you’re two tents”

Y G O L O H C Y S P:
– Reverse psychology

What is the main difference between a sorcerer and an experimental psychologist?
– The sorcerer lures rabbits out of hats, and the psychologist takes habits out of rats.

What do you call a cruise liner full of psychologists?
– A Freudian ship.

Why did the psychology major work in a theatre as a side job?
– He knew projection very well.

A troubled young man goes to see a psychologist.

– The psychologist says, ‘well… you have borderline personality disorder, but with time we can work through it’

– The young man says ‘what??? I want a second opinion!’

– The psychologist says, ‘well… ok then… You’re ugly too.’

I told my psychologist I am scared off living in tall buildings
– Apparently it’s an Apartment Complex

What did the psychologist say to the man who felt misunderstood all the time?
– What are you trying to express?

Why was the Mathematician told to see a Psychologist?
– Because he kept obsessing over his x.

Why can’t you hear a psychologist go to the bathroom?
– Because the ‘p’ is silent.

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