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Psychology jokes 🧠 in 2024

What was the mercurial cow diagnosed with?
– A moo-od disorder.

What did the woman with dissociative identity disorder tell her psychologist?
– “Let me be Frank with you.”

What is the psychology major’s favorite Bob Dylan song?
– Forever Jung.

When Sigmund’s mirror broke, Jung took pleasure in seeing a shard in Freud.

A man was walking in the street one day when he was brutally beaten and robbed.

– As he lay unconscious and bleeding, a psychologist, who happened to be passing by, rushed up to him and exclaimed,

– “My God! Whoever did this really needs help!”

Why did the lying psychologist not want to go to the Jung convention?
– He was a Freud.

Why did the psychologist not believe in reverse psychology?
– He was a Freud of being fooled.

I told my psychologist I thought I was turning into snooker ball
– She sent me to the end of the queue

At a job interview for a new receptionist: “I see you used to be employed by a psychologist.
– Why did you leave?”
– “Well, I just couldn’t win. If I was late to work, I was hostile; if I was early, I was anxious; and if I was on time, I was obsessional.”

Why was the person with narcissism so secure in his relationship?
– He knew his wife loved him.

I went to see a reverse psychologist.
– He told me to commit suicide.

Why did the psychology major have a cast on his arm?
– He had suffered a Freudian slip.

How many psychology students does it take to change a lightbulb?
– Let’s focus on you, how many do you think?

What’s the difference between a psychologist and a magician?
– A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.

A good psychologist once advised me to shut out all the negative people that remind me of my dark past and move on
– It’s been more than a month since I’ve gone to him and I am already starting to feel better

What did the psychologist say to the patient that thought he was a deck of cards?
– Let’s focus on you, we’ll deal with the problem later.

My psychologist diagnosed me with ADD
– At least I think that’s what she was saying.

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