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Psychology jokes 🧠 in 2025

“After 12 years of therapy, my psychotherapist said something that brought tears to my eyes.”
– “What did he say?” “No hablo inglés.”

Why did the homeless psychology student reject her fiance’s marriage proposal?
– She was still stuck on the second level of Maslow’s hierarchy.

What does a psychologist do when they’ve lost their sanity?
– They talk to themself.

Why wasn’t the psychologist able to study?
– His light bulb didn’t have many Wats-on it.

What does a psychologist say to a psychology major when he confronts him about his theory?
– The psychologist says that he has a lot of ego.

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

– Just one. All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around him.

I told my psychologist I was thinking about killing myself.
– He said, “How can I help?”

What did the patient say when the psychologist asked him how long he’d thought he was a dog?
– I’ve been thinking that from the time that I was a puppy.

My flat-earther friend was diagnosed by a psychologist
– He suffers from very sphere delusions.

Psychiatrist to his nurse:

– “Just say we’re very busy. Don’t keep saying ‘It’s a madhouse.'”

What did the employee say when his boss asked him if he should hire him as a reverse psychologist?
– I don’t think you should.

I went to the psychologist to treat my big ego
– I think it worked, I’m feeling much better than all of you today.

What did the psychology major study in wizarding college?
– Defense against his dark concepts.

What did the psychology major act like a 15-year-old?
– He was Jung at heart.

I went to a psychologist for years to get my head on straight.
– After all that time and money I found out it was only my tie that was on crooked.

Psychologists have discovered a new way to see into the minds of those with ADHD
– They’re calling it AD4K

What did the psychologist tell the actor that impulsively performed his roles?
– I think you’re acting out.

Man goes to see a psychologist
Dr: “what brought you in today?”

– Man: “I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam”

– Dr: “sir you need to calm down, you’re two tents”

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