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Pregnancy jokes 🤰👶 in 2025

What would be different if men were the ones who got pregnant?
– Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay, and morning sickness would rank as the nation’s number one health problem.

What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
– It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

“Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be.” — Carrie Fisher

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a tyrant?
You can negotiate with a tyrant.

If April showers bring in May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
– Pilgrims!

How do you define pregnancy?
– A nine-month-long hostage situation where you are both the hostage and the building.

The first sonogram pic is like a tourist pic of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo… on your face. You better be committed.”

I’m 20 weeks pregnant. When will my baby move?
– With any luck, right after he graduates college

The stork is the bird that helps deliver babies. What bird helps prevent pregnancy?
– The swallow.

How is a pregnant woman like a toddler?
– She outgrows her clothes every week!

Pregnancy is nine months of cheat days.

What’s the proper punctuation for a negative pregnancy test?
– A period.

What do you call a pregnancy that starts while using birth control?
– A misconception.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen knocked up?
– He forgot to wrap his whopper!

Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
– No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

“My mother groaned, my father wept, into the dangerous world I leapt.”

Are you having a natural childbirth?
Why, yes — in that it’s completely natural to take drugs to alleviate excruciating pain!

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