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Pregnancy jokes 🤰👶 in 2025

“I’m itchy everywhere, my ankles are fat and there’s something hanging out of my butt.”

“There is only one pretty child in the world and every mother has it.”

Should I have a baby after 35?
– No, 35 children are quite enough

I used to work on an assembly line making pregnancy pamphlets, but I quit.
– I got tired of labor manuals.

How does being pregnant make you feel?
– Like a superhero. Well, a really tired, weak superhero who wants to eat all the time and isn’t allowed to lift heavy objects.

You know you’re getting old when your friends start having kids on purpose.

“I just read that pregnant women in stressful jobs/home situations are more likely to carry female fetuses to term because male fetuses are less likely to survive that stress, and if that isn’t nature’s subtweet I don’t know what is.”

People are now giving birth underwater. They say it’s not very traumatic for the baby because it’s in water.
– But it’s certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.

What part of biology class do pregnant women fear?
– The sea section.

Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
– Yes, your bladder.

“People always say that pregnant women have a glow. And I say it’s because you’re sweating to death.”

I used to work on an assembly line that made pregnancy pamphlets, but I quit. Why?
– I got tired of labor manuals!

What is it called if two flowers have an unplanned pregnancy?
– An oopsie-daisy!

What size pants do you wear?
– Leggings.

“You better pay for that pee stick when you’re done with it. Don’t think it’s yours just because you marked it with your urine!”

“If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters.”

How is a pregnant woman similar to a toddler?
– She outgrows her clothes every week!

Teacher: “Give me a sentence about a public servant.”
Student: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” Teacher: “Do you know what pregnant means?” Student: “Yes, it means you’re carrying a child.”

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