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Pregnancy jokes 🤰👶 in 2025

Gen-Z on having kids:
– “I’m never having kids, they take 9 months to download!”

How do you say unintended pregnancy in German?
– Kinder surprise.

If the baby can hear everything inside the belly, then I am pretty sure his first word is going to be f**k.

“I feel like I have a bowling ball sitting on my hoo-ha!”

My childbirth instructor said it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
– Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current!

Will I love my dog lesser when the baby is born?
– No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

What is the most common pregnancy craving?
– For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

“How would you like to go through life with the name Cooper Banks-Mackenzie? The kid’s gonna sound like a law firm.”

“God, my brain really goes to mush when I’m pregnant.”

Am I more likely to get pregnant when my husband wears boxers or briefs?
– You’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all

What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
– They both require chickpea.

What are the terrible twos?
– Your breasts after your baby stops nursing cold turkey.

“Being pregnant is an occupational hazard of being a wife.”

A woman covered in pasta sauce takes a pregnancy test
– Turns out she’s Prego.

How do you know if kidney stones are worse than pregnancy?
– After a kidney stone, nobody says “let’s have another”

How is being pregnant like being a kid again?
– There’s always someone telling you what to do

To pee or not to pee is never the question. Pee.

“Baby brain is real. I should not be allowed to operate heavy equipment, including iPhones.”

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