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Pregnancy jokes 🤰👶 in 2025

What’s common between hide and seek, and an unintentional pregnancy?
– Ready or not, here I come!

Do I have to have a baby shower?
– Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
– Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s partner knows what’s good for them.

If heartburn during pregnancy means you’ll have a hairy baby…
Then I’m about to give birth to Chewbacca.

“Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.”

Me: I’d like to name our son James. Wife: Why?
– *9 months later* Wife: My water broke! Me: Let the James begin!

Why did the run-on sentence take a pregnancy test?
– Its period came too late.

People are giving birth underwater now.
– They say it’s less traumatic for the baby because it’s in the water, but it’s certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.

“In the pregnancy process, I have come to realize how much of the burden is on the female partner. She’s got a construction zone going on in her belly.”

Last night I accidentally told my son he was an unplanned pregnancy.
– Mistakes were made.

How long does the average woman be in labor?
– Whatever she says, divided by two.

They’ve invented a curved pregnancy test, so you don’t pee on your hand.
– Listen, if you aren’t ready to have pee on your hand, then you’re definitely not ready to be a mom.

For the nine months I’m pregnant with a boy, shouldn’t I be paid 1.78 times my salary?

“My doctor the other day was like, ‘I think maybe pull back a little bit.’ I was like, ‘Really? I thought I was doing great. I still fit into those jeans — I mean, they hurt when I wear them, but I’m still in them!’”

What is considered the best time to get an epidural?
– Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Never talk to a girl about periods, pregnancy or ‘women problems’.
– She’ll ovary-act!

Woman: “Should I have a baby after 35?”
OB/GYN: “No, 35 children is enough.”

How long is the average woman in labor?
– Whatever she says, divided by two.

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