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Planet jokes 🪐🌍🌑 in 2024

What did the meteor say to the planet?
– Lemme smash

your mamas so fat, scientists found a new planet called
– Hermanus

Why was the astronomer so good at finding new planets?
– He was out standing in his field

So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other…
– Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?

Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.

Alien 1 Oh boy… That’s pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.

Alien 2 Nah, they’re not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.

How can you ensure you visit outer space someday?
– Planet.

A Republican and a Democrat found a magic lamp
– The genie said “I will grant one wish per person”. The Republican immediately jumped forward and said “I wish all Republicans and conservatives had their own planet, separate from all these libs.” The genie nodded and the Republican vanished. The Democrat then asked “Are they all on their own planet?” “Yes” said the genie. “Are you sure? All of them?” The genie said “Yes” one more time. Then the Democrat said “I guess I’ll just have a glass of water then.”

In the 80’s we used to think in 2020 we’ll have flying cars cities on other planets, blah blah blah….
– But No! Here we are, teaching people how to wash hands !!!

The boy who would become the anti-Christ has already been born in our planet…
– Fortunately, his mom was an anti-vaxxer and died at the age of 6 from the measles.

All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible.
– Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, “don’t look at me, I’m not flat”

I planned on making a joke about the Solar System…..
– But not right now, I’ll planet later.

Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar..
– But they didn’t planet…

I hope Planet Fitness really is a judgement free zone
– Gonna be taking my dumps there for the next couple weeks.

I went up to Serena Williams.
– I said, “Serena, what’s your favourite planet?”

She said, “It’s Venus.”

I said, “Oh sorry, Venus, what’s your favourite planet?”

Maybe Jesus didn’t like your chocolates
– So aliens come to earth and they’re Sooo nice. There’s a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.

The Pope asks, “Do you know of Jesus Christ?”

The aliens say, “Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!”

The Pope exclaims, “Every couple of years?? What!!?? We’re still waiting for his second coming!”

The alien replies, “Maybe he didn’t like your chocolate?”

The Pope is flabbergasted, “What does chocolate have to do with anything?”

The alien says, “Well when he came the first time, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys give him?”

What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
– Uranus!

There was an astronaut who landed on an alien planet inhabited by several beautiful women.
– When he climbed out of his spaceship, he was approached by the women, who were all some 20 feet taller. One came up to him and asked, ‘I suppose you want to see the leader?’ The astronaut looked up at her, and replied:

“’Take me to your ladder. I’ll see your leader later.’”

I called Serena Williams. I said, “Serena, what’s your favorite planet?”
– She said, “It’s Venus.”

Me: I’m sorry Venus. Could you put Serena on the phone?

Jupiter heard from Neptune that Pluto was pregnant.
– Jupiter said to Pluto “Congratulations! I was surprised to hear that you’re expecting!”

To which Pluto replied “Thanks. Yeah, I definitely didn’t planet!”

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