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Pharmacy jokes 💊 in 2024

A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy

– “Ephedrine?”

– “I can’t serve you that”

– “Sudoephedrine.”

– “There you go”.

What do scots take for fungal groin infections?
– ‘Sporranox!’

Propranolol is red, digoxin is blue.
– My heart skips a beat when I see you.

Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.
– She clearly isn’t a fan of protection

As a pharmacist who usually writes instruction labels for oral medications…

– Most of what I say to patients is ingest.

Baby, I’m like efavirenz. I can decrease your odds of nightmares, but you still may have strong vivid dreams about me
– a very common side effect.

A frog hops into a pharmacy to buy condoms. The pharmacist asks if he wants smooth or ribbed ones. The frog replies….
– “ribbit”

I bought a really expensive laxative from the pharmacy.
– It gave me a good run for my money.

Are you a box of BD pen needles?
– Because you are ultra-fine.

Customer: One box of condoms, please.
– Pharmacist: That will be $9.99 plus tax

– Customer: Tacks? I thought they stayed on by themselves!

What do you call a priest hitting up a pharmacy?
– A pillgrim.

Side effects may include infatuation, racing heart, and lowered inhibitions.

I’m like acetaminophen.
– I’ll make sure all your pains go away when we’re together.

A miracle drug is one that has now the same price as last year.

Not sure what my creatinine clearance is, but I just can’t get you out of my system.

A guy walks into a pharmacy: “I have extreme headaches, my belly cramps, I feel like I’m about to vomit and my back hurts like something tears the muscles apart. Do you have something?”
– Pharmacists: Nope, I feel fine!

A pharmacist returns to his shop from lunch to find a man leaning against the wall.
– “What’s wrong with him?” He asks his assistant.

– “He came in for some cough syrup,” explains the assistant. “But I couldn’t find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead.”

– “What!” The pharmacist says, horrified. “You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”

– “Of course you can,” the assistant declares. “Look at him – he’s far too scared to cough.”

Girl, you’re so expensive, my insurance is requiring a prior authorization before our first date.

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