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Periodic table jokes 🧪⚗️🧑‍🔬☣ in 2025

A man recently died after a periodic table display fell on him…
– The official cause of death was “Exposure to the Elements”.

“Please don’t start with your element jokes, I’ve sulfered enough,” said the tired element to the other elements.

A good way to remember gold is “Au gimme that gold”.

Argon walks into a bar. The barman says, “We don’t serve noble gases.” Argon doesn’t react. (Noble gases are unreactive.)

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

The chemistry department cafeteria has good food, but finding a place to sit can be a challenge.
– They only have periodic tables.

If you ever hurt your leg, you put your Neon the couch and put some ointment on it.

How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam?
– Fear of utility bills.

Guys, stop it with the puns. We’ve all sulfured enough.

What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?
– Separation anxiety.

A man recently died after a periodic table display fell on him…
– The official cause of death was “Exposure to the Elements”.

Carbon and Hydrogen went to the park, they really bonded well.

Are you feeling under the weather today?
– Because you look like you’re Na fine.

Why did the scientist want carbon, Arsenic, and Hydrogen?
– Because it makes CAsH!

What’s a pirates favorite element on the periodic table?
– Gold. What the hell would they need argon for?

Gold is not terrible. It’s Au-some. Even silver Ag-rees.

What do you do with a dead scientist?
– You barium. That’s if you can’t helium or curium.

Did you know that Iron Man was a FeMale? (Fe = Iron and Male = man)

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