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Periodic table jokes 🧪⚗️🧑‍🔬☣ in 2025

All the elements are sitting at the dinner table and neon says, “Helium, don’t eat too much! You’re gonna get fat!”. Helium replies, “No I’m not, I’m the second lightest here!”.

What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
– Au revoir.

What do female runners use on their period
– Track pads

Why are helium, curium, and barium the three main medical elements? If you can’t curium or helium, you barium!

Are you made of fluorine, iodine, and neon?
– Because you’re so FINe!

Have you heard the story about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
– He just couldn’t put it down.

When the top racer saw that he was falling behind the rest, he began Fluorine the gas to get back to the first place.

I really enjoy eating lunch on a periodic table.

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

What do you call a clown who’s in jail?
– A silicon.

The chemist had so much fun writing periodic table jokes, he was in his element.

Are you made out of beryllium, uranium, and titanium?
– Cause you’re a BeUTi!

What is uranium + fluorine + oxygen? UFO.

What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?
– “He-He!”
(It’s ok I know where the door is, bye)

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students
– one of them asked the usual question always asked: “If our chute doesn’t open; and the reserve doesn’t open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?”

The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: “The rest of your life.”

I auditioned for the lead role on a play of the periodic table but Actinium ended up getting it.

What did the chemist say to motivate his team?
– We ARGON to BARIUM.

What did the chemist do when he cut his leg?
– He put his neon (knee on) a table to bandage it up.

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