Painting jokes 🎨🖼️🖌️ in 2025

If painting is in your veins,
– do not be afraid of paint as one day you will have to face paint.

A Brit, A Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the garden of Eden
– “Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit.”They must be British”

They pondered this possibility but the Frenchman and the Russians soon shake their heads in disagreement.

“Nonsense,” says the Frenchman. “They’re naked and so beautiful, clearly they are French”. The Brit and Russian agreed on this point but the Russian soon raises an objection to this.

“No clothes, no shelter and they have only an apple to eat but they’re told this is Paradise. They are clearly Russian”

Was painting my boat when a dolphin swam by and got some paint on its fin.
– It wasn’t on porpoise.

So the painters finish painting my home…
– and they hand me the bill. I notice that by the paint it says $0. I say, “you guys did such a good job, why aren’t you charging me for the paint?” The head painter looks at me and says, “don’t worry about the paint, it’s on the house.”

What do you tell a painter who just had a breakup?
– Brush it off.

Me: “Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?”
– Them: “Why?”

Me: “To hide in the strawberry patch”

Them: “……..”

Me: “have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?”

Them: “no?”

Me: “then I guess it works”

Cue applause.

What’s the difference between Christ and an oil painting?
– It only takes one nail to hang a painting.

This joke nearly got me kicked out of the choir.

An owner of a painting company needs to hire a painter for a job he is doing
– So he goes down to unemployment to hire a painter. They tell him they don’t have any – the only person they have at the moment is a gynecologist. He says that won’t do, he needs a painter. They tell him they are sorry. He really needs an extra set of hands so he decides to take the gynecologist.

Two weeks later he returns asking for the gynecologist. They tell him that he has found employment and is no longer with them and that they now have painters looking for work. The owner of the painting company tells them that he really needs the gynecologist. They ask him why?

He tells them that two weeks earlier he took the gynecologist down to the job site and the front door was locked – he had no key. That guy painted the entire house through the keyhole!

Why did the painter from Boston have trouble making friends?
– He was way too autistic for his own good.

Which art by Da Vinci is never happy?
– The Moaning-Lisa.

My neighbor once ordered 5 gallons of paint. They screwed up and sent him a 10 pound bucket of Sodium.
– That happened years ago and he is still salty about it.

What’s the difference between a fetish and a hobby?
– ***Depends where you stick the ship in a bottle after you finish painting it…***

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
– “I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.” “That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “The guy was your doctor.”

Why did Van Gogh become a painter?
– Because he didn’t have an ear for music.

If you tell a painter his art is bad,
– he usually gets the picture.

I don’t like to use painting softwares
– Because it is Electronic Arts

I was spray painting a side table when I noticed my first coat was really patchy…
– I thought to myself, “well this can is past its prime”

Luckily I had another can that was primer.

The painters
– I just got my house painted, and they gave me a bill that said $0.
I asked them, “Why aren’t you charging me for the paint?”
They said, “Don’t worry about it, it’s on the house.”