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Painting jokes 🎨🖼️🖌️ in 2025

My friend decided to take up wood working and he heard this joke at his new work place

What do you get if you cross a Boxer and a Painter?
– Mohammed Dali

What did Van Gogh tell himself when his lover left?
– Let it Gogh.

A hooker said that she would do anything if I offered her $100…
– Guess who’s getting his house repainted for $100?

The owner of dulux paints died today, he froze to death atop a mountain
– Police report states he could of done with another coat.

So I guess there was this rancher who was growing a really weird breed of cattle.
– They were a really vivid blue green color. No one could believe it… They thought he was airbrushing them or painting them or using Instagram filters or photoshop.

Finally an fda inspector–Neal Beal was his name–wanted to go out to the ranch and see for himself whether these cows were really this vivid blue green or was it a sham. He toured the ranch and saw for himself but still had his his doubts. So the rancher invited him to stay for dinner and even slaughtered a calf that afternoon.

When dinner was served, the meat was an amazing blue green hue. Inspector Beal just shook his head. He still had doubts.

At this point the rancher was getting irked, and banged his fist on the table.

“Look Neil Beal” he thundered and spieled. “I don’t care what you feel about this meal and l don’t want to hear you squeal. That teal veal is the REAL DEAL.”

Made up by my coworker

The artist died of a cardiac arrest.
– His art was weak.

Benjamin Moore just came out with a new paint called blonde
– It’s not very bright but it spreads easily

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can’t even say black paint
– You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

I once insulted an artist about his bad painting
– He just brushed it off.

What did Cobain say when he got too close to painting?
– Smells like White Spirit.

37. Do you know Van Gogh also wanted to make music apart from painting?
– But sadly, he didn’t have an ear for it!

Did you hear about the new blond paint?
– Well it’s not very bright but it’s cheap and it spreads easy.

The President asks 3 people if they can paint the White House
– He asks a Chinese person how much money will he need and he says “3 million dollars. 1 million for the paint, 1 million for the workers and 1 million for me”

He asks an American person how much money will he need and he says “7 million. 2 million for the paint 3 million for the workers and 2 million for me”

He finally asks an Indian person who says come here close and so the president comes in close and he whispers “I need 13 million dollars”

The president says “What why so much”

The Indian says” 5 million for me, 5 million for you and 3 million for the Chinese man”

A joiner makes sure that what he makes fits with the rest down to the tenth of a millimeter.

A carpenter makes sure it fits down to a millimeter.

A mason makes sure it fits down to the centimeter.

If the painter makes it to the right address, it’s a good thing.

A rich snail goes into a car shop…
– He picks out a super fast car and says, “I want a big S painted on the left side, the right side, the front, the back. I want big Ss everywhere! The car painter asks why, and the snail says, “Because when I pass people on the road I want them to point at me and say, ‘Wow! Look at that escargot!'”

How did Leonardo Da Vinci never sleep hungry?
– He just painted The Last Supper.

Paint thinner is a great palette cleanser…
– But a terrible palate cleanser.

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